My Mother Path
My path through discovering myself as a mother, teacher and self.
In a house with three kids and a busy husband, it’s hard to find peace. Just finding time to watch a movie without falling asleep is a challenge. I work a full-time job and my husband is self-employed full-time as well as he just started to work part time for a company which will at some point turn into a full-time job (and hopefully decrease the self-employment), makes it hard enough. But when his self-employment takes him six hours away for a week or two at time, all I can say is “ugh.” I don’t know if it’s easier now that the kids are out of school or if it were easier when they were in school.
Last week is a prime example of how life generally is, my husband was at a job six hours away and it was the first week of summer vacation. My kids, a son 13, and two daughters 11 and 9, are absolutely wonderful. As sluggish as the kids can be (summer break you know), if I were to ask them to help, they are there for me. The youngest will drag her feet at times, but will still get done what is asked of her. Although the mornings are easier now (I don’t have to get the kids off to the buses for school), I do have to run home at lunch and make sure everything is ok, make any sandwiches, give any orders, and make up the computer time schedule, then head back to work.
My son is the mediator as well as the supervisor. He doesn’t create the mess the girls can, so when it is time for clean-up, he supervises and makes sure they are moving continuously. This is wonderful at times, then again, it agitates the girls and this creates tension and the need for me to referee.
My oldest daughter is a worrier with a touch of OCD. I try my best to set up any plans or situations so she knows that she will be taken care of and won’t be left alone. She does not like to be alone. She worries that something will happen and she will not be able to fix it. We do the best we can to try to calm these worries. At times they are cute worries and she is so sweet with the concerns she has, but at other times it becomes stressful and a lot of work.
My son and youngest daughter don’t worry about a thing. They don’t have to, their sister does it all for them.
I laugh at a picture that circles around on Facebook where they show the bottom part of a door with a child’s fingers peeping through….”They will find you” it says. I remember those days, no bathroom breaks without some little one at the door. Now it’s not much better, now they are texting, e-mailing, and even calling. And still at this older age, when I go to the bathroom the odds of having some child at the door are pretty good. If not the kids standing there when I open the door, it’s the dog. I don’t know how many times I open the door and trip over the black lab/chow mix that we have as he lays blended into the floor in front of the door waiting for Mommy to come out and protect him from the unseelies or give him cuddles. *shakes head* Yet I wouldn’t give it all up for the world. My life would be quiet and lonely without them.
Although, I would like just a bit of peace before going to bed. Therefore, I have searched and petitioned local places to allow me to either teach/practice Reiki or teach belly dancing. It’s hard to find a place when you are in a small town away from any large city and things really haven’t changed in nearly 50 years. There really isn’t much in the way of “new” thinking around here. Chiropractors have taken hold, but only in the past five years. Massage therapists are struggling, but there are a few practices popping up. Reiki is nearly not heard of around here.
Great news though! Thanks to Zumba making a great appearance over the past couple years, belly dancing has become a bit acceptable! I have two places now that I will be teaching, the local YWCA and the local community college. Ok, so I’m really not finding peace by adding to my daily schedule. But this is something different, something that my family gets to help with from home and something that I get to be with adults doing something that I love to do.
My first class is tomorrow night. I am a nervous wreck. Last night I was going over music and setting up my hour-long playlist so I can listen to it and envision in my head how the lesson will play out. My son was wonderful. He sat at the computer and clicked on song after song and even after realizing what beat I was looking for and the feel of the music I wanted, helped and suggested songs. Tonight, they get to be my students! My husband has to work this evening and after I get home, eat, and pick the girls up from cheer camp, we will crowd the living room and dance. Or attempt to dance. Most likely my son will sit at the computer and the girls will play on their Kindles while the dog lays in the middle of the floor rolling onto his back wanting me to rub his stomach all while I run through the class outline. Somewhere in this I will find a bit of peace.
My mommy lesson, sometimes you have to add to your crazy schedule to actually find the peace that you are looking for. Balance is a strange thing, it has shown me that I have had no peace because I have placed too much time into my family and home life and have tipped that scale. I need to tip it the other way and if it means adding to my schedule to do things outside of the home with other adults, this is what is needed to find that peaceful balance. I will let you know how it goes.
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