Five of us, variously exhausted or uplifted, sat distributed on couches in the interview room. Our meditation teacher was checking in with us in the midst of a week-long silent retreat. One by one we responded. As usual, there were the usual happy yogis who had reached new heights of concentration, complete with interesting spiritual effects. The rest of us were detailing our rather more mundane struggles with the practice: distractions, obsessive thoughts, doubts. I had just finished adding my troubles to the pile when the teacher sent me a level look and said: “This is how it is right now.”
This is how it is right now. The whole of the Dharma in seven words.
I’ve spent a lot of time planning my future lately. Most of it felt very centered and aligned with my Inner Goddess. Then it started to take on a mind of its own—planning for the sake of planning and agony about the disconnects between my present reality and my potentially brighter focus. For today’s #NaturallyMindful post, I want to reflect on my experience of present-moment awareness.
It was day three of a seven-day meditation retreat and I was busy sabotaging my practice by wallowing in guilt. At the mid-week interview with the meditation leader I complained about these negative thoughts: “I don’t know why I do this to myself.”
“But are you doing it?” she said. “Are you doing it?”
Well, no. My thoughts were basically thinking themselves, assailing me when whether I wanted them or not. The more closely I observed myself, the more I came to the conclusion that I had ridiculously little control over the thoughts and reactions that drove me into various states and actions.
Ever since I was a kid, I’ve always craved recognition. It’s not a surprise really. I grew up in a situation where the majority of attention I got was negative. I’d get grounded on the drop of a coin, or was told I was a disappointment on a regular basis and no matter what I did, it was never enough. That was the seed for my desire to be recognized.
During some intentional inner work time, I pulled the Mother Mary card from the Guidance Guidance Oracle card deck. I felt an aversion to the phrase it contained—“expect a miracle.” My childhood religious training has infused the word miracle with implications of salvation from sin and requirements of faith. My scientific training has added additional complications by creating great skepticism in me as to whether anything can exist that could not ultimately be dissected and analyzed. However, as I reflect upon for today’s #NaturallyMindful post, in sitting with that word for a while in meditation and carrying it in the back of my mind throughout the day, I’ve found myself growing in my ability to relate to it from a place of awareness and gratitude.
Molly
Thank you! I'm glad you were okay after your accident too. This has highlighted for me how fortunate I am to usually be able to move so freely and wit...
Jamie
Molly,Very nice prayer and thanks for sharing. I had a hiking accident a couple days ago, which was (thankfully) minor and did not impair my movement....
Anthony Gresham
I find it helpful to have my Dictionary in a place where I can find it easily. Spellcheck is sometimes problematic but way better than autocorrect wh...
Anthony Gresham
You might try applying for a grant from the National Endowment for the Arts. Check your local library and see if they have a book on applying for gov...
Diana Amis
First, Thank you so much for this prayer. I have no idea why it resonated so much with me at this time. I want to say I'm not injured in any way or fa...
