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Subscribe to this list via RSS Blog posts tagged in grief

Posted by on in Paths Blogs

 

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b2ap3_thumbnail_nature-flowers-sun-60006.jpgThose who are estranged from their biological relatives can struggle deeply with feelings of grief, but it is a strange grief, something that feels unnatural or out of season. No one has died, gotten divorced, or was fired from a job. But what did end was the image you had for most of your life about the people you thought you knew so well.That ending is an extremely difficult loss not only because of the sudden nature of most family cut-offs, but because that ending also changed you and how you understand yourself and, importantly, life itself. Family Aggression impacts our sense of justice, fairness, and a belief in the benevolence of the world. Additionally, estrangement and family shunning is not merely the loss of one person, but a sudden loss of an entire group of people with whom you were once intimately bound. Losing all this in one fell swoop is a profound and devastating loss, especially when parents you believe love you have now become hostile, even threatening.

Because there is no open dialogue in most cultures to help one come to terms with the reality of family cut-offs, grief and confusion can remain like a dark cloud hanging over every day. Where are the grieving rituals for family estrangement? Death and divorce are now openly discussed in many countries and there are rituals to mark these transformative moments in our lives. However, family cut-offs are typically hidden by the victims because they feel so unnatural and are so fundamentally wrong. Victims often believe that cut-offs are uncommon, which is not true. Also, families who act aggressively work hard at convincing daughters and sons who differentiate from the Family Script that they themselves are wrong, unwanted, and alone. Isolating targets is a way to pressure them to conform and return to the family's way of thinking. This is a key piece in the dominating, aggressive family behavior and one reason why family estrangements are not openly discussed.

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Recent Comments - Show all comments
  • Carol P. Christ
    Carol P. Christ says #
    Thank you Sedna. I too am e-stranged from my family who made me feel like the strange one. You are right that family estrangement
  • Sedna
    Sedna says #
    Thank you for writing and sharing your experiences, Carol, which enriches this circle. A goal of the Family Script for scapegoated
  • Sedna
    Sedna says #
    Virginia, Thank you so much for commenting and having the courage to share your story. As you note, "groupmind" is really a core p
  • Virginia Carper
    Virginia Carper says #
    I left my family years ago for reasons of sanity. I had several stints in mental hospitals and was under a doctor's care. We went
  • Mark Green
    Mark Green says #
    A wonderful post. I have been estranged from my blood family for decades, and as my parents have died off and others have simply m

Posted by on in SageWoman Blogs

b2ap3_thumbnail_RWS_3Swords.jpg

I do celebrate Mother's Day for those who are mothers in my world. I do not celebrate it for myself. For me, it is a time of grief. You see, I was blessed with one of those wickedly funny Southern mamas you hear about. Mine was a firecracker when she got wound up. She was a fierce defender of her family. She was also a Catholic who loved her Wiccan child. I tend to shy away from the concept of being blessed, but in this I was. 

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  • Francesca De Grandis
    Francesca De Grandis says #
    Hi, darling, thank you for being willing to express your grief so nakedly. You are beautiful. I’m sure this blog will help many p
  • Arwen Lynch
    Arwen Lynch says #
    Thank you, FdG! I really appreciate your words.
Peter on Grief and Communities

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  • Anne Newkirk Niven
    Anne Newkirk Niven says #
    I am so sorry for your loss, and can't possibly understand what you are going through. (My parents just "dropped dead" in their mi

Posted by on in SageWoman Blogs

Part 1: The Question

It is October,ipad-pix-107
the veil is thin
the year is waning
the leaves are turning
I am trying to say goodbye
to my grandmother
she is dying.
I do not know what to say.

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  • Tasha Halpert
    Tasha Halpert says #
    Beautiful, and what I would have said is "Au Revoir, until we meet again."
  • Dianne Ross
    Dianne Ross says #
    If I were a dying grandmother, if true, I would love to hear you hope, if souls are reborn she will come back to be your grand.oth
Samhain Reflection: Leaves Changing, Falling, Decomposing

Cross-posted at Goddessing From the Heart.

For this Wheel of the Year post, I decided to share a reflection on leaves and how, in the ending of their life cycle, they can embody aspects of Samhain.

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Posted by on in Culture Blogs
When Community Fails

My friend’s mother died this past spring.

The stroke happened suddenly and her passing came a few weeks later.  Despite a lot of preparation for a worst-case scenario, the death hit the family hard.  My friend had a difficult relationship with her mother (something many of us can relate to, I’m sure) and her ambivalent thoughts and emotions have been complicating an already difficult grieving process.

My friend announced her mother’s illness to our group, but she kept the news of her mother’s passing to herself.  She had been out of town a lot to be with family, and it was only recently that I saw my friend since her family tragedy. 

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  • Ann Edwards
    Ann Edwards says #
    I was interested in your comment "I as a priestess, did not show up at funerals..." Did you as a friend show up?
  • Anna Helvie
    Anna Helvie says #
    From 2002 to 2012, it was mixed. A coven member's father died and we did not go to the funeral. At that time it was because we we
  • Anna Helvie
    Anna Helvie says #
    My impression is that greater Pagandom has a substantial number of people who don't do well with these types of things, and that o
  • Anna Helvie
    Anna Helvie says #
    I meant "bring in a social worker who understands the nuances of bereavement and has specialty skills in this topic."
  • Ann Edwards
    Ann Edwards says #
    I'm sorry but this story struck me as almost a description of modern paganism. Events, celebrations, connections... but no true c

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