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Like people, like cities, every coven has a secret name.

Secret names are privileged, not public, information. (Someone who knows your secret name can, reputedly, harm you magically. An enemy that knows a city's secret name can thereby the more easily take it.) Therefore, in Ye Grande Olde archaic fashion, each coven has two names: a secret and a public, an inner and outer. When you join the coven, you learn the secret name.

Here's the story of my coven's.

The elements needed for this ritual include:

• Posterboard, newspaper, water, and white flour to make a plaster-like paste, paint, glitter, feathers, sequins, colored markers, and sticks at least twelve inches long

The essential elements for this ritual are enough candles to represent every year of the crone’s life, flowers, silver wire, crystals, water, flowering branches, silver moon-shaped paper cutouts, and potluck food. The potluck food served at the party after the ritual will be even more special and good for all if they emphasize “women’s food” such as estrogen-filled yams, calcium-rich broccoli, and yogurt. Soy is recommended as well, and chocolate is essential.

The first part of the ritual takes place before the honored guest, the new crone, arrives. Working together, women should take the silver wire and form a round crown. Glue semiprecious crystals to this crown, attach charms and amulets, and affix the silver crescent moons. Make it beautiful and meaningful. The silver moon is a sign of the Goddess, and the new crone is a representative of the Goddess’s third aspect. The crystals, which are the stones and bones of Mother Earth, add power and the beauty of Gaia. Charms and amulets are for health, protection, good luck, and good life. As you make it and place the jewels and charms on the crown, state your intentions and hopes for the new crone. When the crown is complete, place it on a beautiful purple pillow or on the altar.

Our modern society has taken an unfortunate attitude toward aging, characterized by denial and shame. Rather than embracing the realization of their own highest wisdom, aging women are socialized into unhealthy regimens such as Botox and plastic surgery in vain attempts to turn back the clock. Women should feel good about aging; they should celebrate long, full lives. Women should be respected and honored for the wisdom they bring to the community. One of the roles ritual plays in the world is to change the dynamic between a person and her community. Therefore, croning rituals are the signal to the group that a woman has ascended into a new role of service and leadership to the family, the tribe, the village, and the sisterhood. Theories vary as to when a woman becomes a crone. Z. Budapest in her Holy Book of Women’s Mysteries says it happens to every woman at age fifty-six. Others say it is at age fifty-four, and priestess and writer Diana Paxson says it’s a range from sixty to seventy-one for the evolution from Queen to Crone. Often cronehood is confirmed at fourteen months past a woman’s last period, and when she has come to her second Saturn Return. A woman should decide for herself when she feels she has reached the age of “cronehood,” however; if she is not prepared to take on the title, then by all means she should wait until she is ready. Discussing it with other women will help authenticate what you know and feel inside. Support from the sisterhood is essential, and in many circles of friends and family, women who are of similar ages should sustain each other in life’s passages and honor each other as they wish to be honored.

Call your friends together before the surgery. The ritual can be at your home or any place that feels safe and secure. I highly recommend raising healing energy at the home of the person who is to undergo the surgery, as it will create an aura of restoration. Ask each person to bring something to comfort, reassure, and cure the celebrant: soup, fixings, a soothing eye pillow, sleep balm, a hand-knitted scarf for warmth, body lotion, herbal teas, books, or lavender-infused slippers are all wonderful gifts. Form a circle of care around the celebrant and light candles. Unscented soy candles are probably best for health reasons (and if a gift is scented, it is wise to check with the healing recipient whether that’s okay in advance of the gathering). As you go around the circle, ask each person to give his or her gift of caring to the celebrant and say what it represents. As examples:

I give you this herbal tea mix so you can sip tea and draw from it