Paganistan: Notes from the Secret Commonwealth

In Which One Midwest Man-in-Black Confers, Converses & Otherwise Hob-Nobs with his Fellow Hob-Men (& -Women) Concerning the Sundry Ways of the Famed but Ill-Starred Tribe of Witches.

  • Home
    Home This is where you can find all the blog posts throughout the site.
  • Tags
    Tags Displays a list of tags that have been used in the blog.
  • Bloggers
    Bloggers Search for your favorite blogger from this site.
  • Login
    Login Login form

How Pagan Are You?

1. How many Green Men do you have in your house? (Score: 1 point per Green Man)

2. If they needed a sacrifice, would you volunteer?

a. No.

b. Yes.

c. Where do I sign up?

3. Which of the following books have you read?

a. The Mists of Avalon.

b. The Triumph of the Moon.

c. The White Goddess.

4. How many times have you seen The Wicker Man (not the one with Nicholas Cage)?

a. 1-5.

b. 6-10.

c. 11+.

5. How many pagan tattoos do you have? (Score: 3 points per tattoo)

6. Do you take time off work for...?

a. Samhain.

b. Yule.

c. Imbolc.

7. How many pagan festivals/cons do you attend per year?

a. 1.

b. 2-3.

c. 4+.

8. Number of altars in your home. (Score: 1 point per altar)

9. Which of these words can you define? (Score: 1 point per word)

a. athame

b. cowan

c. widdershins

d. bolline

e. stang

f. sunstead

g. dwale

h. skyclad

i. ardane

j. thew

k. coppintank

l. gidden

m. recule

10. Number of initiations you've had.

a. 1-2.

b. 3-5.

c. 6+.

11. Do you know all the words to...?

a. We All Come from the Goddess.

b. We Won't Wait Any Longer.

c. Hal an Tow.

12. Number of times weekly you check The Wild Hunt.

a. 1-2.

b. 3-5.

c. 6+.

13. Percentage of your friends that are pagan.

a. Less than 25%

b. 50%

c. 75% or more.



1 point for every a.

2 points for every b.

3 points for every c.


Under 10: Why are you reading this, cowan?

10-20: Paganish.

21-30: Pagan.

31-40: Pagan's pagan.

41-50: Super-pagan.

51-60: Your pentagrams have pentagrams, right?

61+: More pagan than the Goddess.


Please note: This post is a send-up of pagan stereotypes, not an accurate test of anyone's anything.

If you don't "test" out where you would have expected, don't take it to heart.

Educators have been saying for years that tests don't measure real ability, or knowledge, anyway.




Last modified on
Tagged in: humor pagan humor satire
Poet, scholar and storyteller Steven Posch was raised in the hardwood forests of western Pennsylvania by white-tailed deer. (That's the story, anyway.) He emigrated to Paganistan in 1979 and by sheer dint of personality has become one of Lake Country's foremost men-in-black. He is current keeper of the Minnesota Ooser.


Additional information