Paganistan: Notes from the Secret Commonwealth

In Which One Midwest Man-in-Black Confers, Converses & Otherwise Hob-Nobs with his Fellow Hob-Men (& -Women) Concerning the Sundry Ways of the Famed but Ill-Starred Tribe of Witches.

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Archdiocese Declares Moral Bankruptcy

AP: St. Paul, Minnesota

A spokesman for the Roman Catholic archdiocese of Minneapolis-St. Paul announced today that as of January 1, 2016 the archdiocese will be declaring moral bankruptcy.

“Over the course of the past century, the archdiocese has quite frankly done everything that it could to promote pedophilia and to protect pedophiles,” said the spokesman, who asked not to be named pending auto-da-fe. “Because of our moral cowardice, thousands, if not tens of thousands, have suffered sexual abuse.

“Given the fact that the upper echelons of power have always been fully aware of these problems, and have not only done nothing to prevent them, but have in fact done everything that they possibly could both to protect the perpetrators and to cover up their crimes, the plain fact is that we have no right to expect anyone to believe anything whatsoever that we say on any topic. Really, the only option here is to declare moral bankruptcy.”

He noted that this declaration does not affect the church's authority in matters of belief.


“When it comes to dogma, the Church fully retains its teaching authority,” he said, adding:

“It's only when we talk about anything else that you can't trust a word we say.”

Former archbishop John C. Nienstedt, who resigned his position in April of this year after allegations of harboring known pedophiles, could not be reached for comment.

Stefanos Elafeos


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Poet, scholar and storyteller Steven Posch was raised in the hardwood forests of western Pennsylvania by white-tailed deer. (That's the story, anyway.) He emigrated to Paganistan in 1979 and by sheer dint of personality has become one of Lake Country's foremost men-in-black. He is current keeper of the Minnesota Ooser.


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