Paganistan: Notes from the Secret Commonwealth

In Which One Midwest Man-in-Black Confers, Converses & Otherwise Hob-Nobs with his Fellow Hob-Men (& -Women) Concerning the Sundry Ways of the Famed but Ill-Starred Tribe of Witches.

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IOC OKs Nude Paganistanis at 2020 Games

AP: Geneva, Switzerland

In a surprise ruling Thursday, the International Olympic Committee (IOC) gave its unanimous approval to Paganistan’s petition that its athletes be permitted to participate naked. “This ruling will no doubt be highly unpopular in some circles,” said Bruner Soderberg, IOC chair pro tem. “But the IOC charter is quite clear on the matter. If some countries can require their athletes to compete with limbs fully covered—not to mention with headscarves—then the athletes of Paganistan have an equivalent right to their own national traditions.”

Paganistani sprinter and 2016 Olympic Gold Medalist Aspen Moore said: “It’s something to celebrate, a return to the original Olympic ideal. Any runner can tell you that clothing constricts your movement and slows you down.” As expected, the ruling has created a stir among certain socially conservative countries. North Korea, Saudi Arabia, and Iran have lodged protests with the IOC, but have yet to threaten withdrawal from the 2020 Games.

Magenta Griffith, high priestess emerita of Minneapolis, told reporters, “Socrates said, ‘If you want to understand the gods, look at excellence.’ The IOC’s decision today offers a profoundly theological opportunity to us all.”

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Tagged in: nudity Olympics satire
Poet, scholar and storyteller Steven Posch was raised in the hardwood forests of western Pennsylvania by white-tailed deer. (That's the story, anyway.) He emigrated to Paganistan in 1979 and by sheer dint of personality has become one of Lake Country's foremost men-in-black. He is current keeper of the Minnesota Ooser.

Comments

  • Christopher Blackwell
    Christopher Blackwell Friday, 31 January 2014

    Not only that but it would increase viewership, eve n of people who did not give a damn about sports. I am gad to see we have advanced to the point that wen athletes are also allows to perform nude. They were not allowed in the original Olympics, so we are seeing progress finally. Everyone can drool over the nude body of their choice. [Grin] Now do we all get to party with the Athletes like they did in the old days? [Big Grin]

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