The Aquarian Tabernacle Church: A World-Wide Wiccan Ministry

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Wiccan Churches Announce Introduction of Fifth Element

April 1st, 2019 – After much deliberation, several large houses of Wicca are proud to announce a dramatic change in Wiccan doctrine; the introduction of a new, fifth element. The Aquarian Tabernacle Church (ATC), the Correllian Nativist Church, and Church of All Worlds, have announced that within the last week they met in a secret place in order to determine a new aspect of Wicca that will forever change its future. 


“For a long time, we have only had 4 watchtowers guarding the circle. We think it is time to finally acknowledge the presence of a fifth element that we have, for a long time, been ignoring,” said Lord Don Lewis, First Priest and Chancellor of the Correllian Nativist Church.


“That element is Goo,” Said Lewis. 


“We all come from goo within the womb. Inside each of us is a weird, pinkish-gooey mess, it only makes sense that we make our fifth watchtower go along with the microcosms of the universe,” said Lady Belladonna LaVeau, Archpriestess of the ATC. 


“Goo reminds us there is still more unformed things out there to be discovered and that everything created has a purpose and is glorious. Hail to you, glorious goo, and all your potential,” said Correllian First Priestess Stephanie Neal.


This dramatic departure from previously established tradition was a much-debated decision but in the end, the choice was clear. Lord Dusty Dionne, soon-to-be Archpriest of the ATC was focused on the magick of this new quarter and element. 


“I too, knew the true Goo grew within you, through and through. This new spew that we brew will que those who seek to do as we do and view the Goo,” said Dionne. 


In terms of associations, the color of this new element is a pink – a sickly pink. Like a very dirty pig. 


“So when you usually call a normal element, let’s say earth, I imagine a giant wall of dirt or brick being put up around the circle to protect it. With Goo, I imagine a huge wad of silly putty colored, translucent goo, like a flubber-like ball of pink snot that just drops down through the center of the circle and covers everything,” said Dionne. 


As with all other elements and watchtowers, there is a new sacred tool that will go along with this; The Goo Injector.   


The Goo Injector is a mix of feminine and masculine energy, as it both pulls goo up into it (receptive) and ejects goo out of it (projective). You can get your very own Goo Injector here.


“There are many mysteries within this goo injector, and I am excited to use this tool and learn the many secrets it holds,” said Cat LaVeau, the High Maiden of the ATC. 


In light of the addition of a fifth element, the traditional quarter calls will be replaced with a penta-call to go along with this new element.  


“Now the circle is a TRUE pentagram! Before we just assumed the fifth element was Spirit, and we assumed it came into the circle because all four elements were in balance. Now we have a name for this ambiguous ‘Spirit’ – Goo!” said Lord Oberon Zell, the Primate of Church of All Worlds. 


Ye Lords of the watchtowers of the Center 

Ye Lords of Goo 

Ye Lords of Viscosity and Rebirth 

We do Summon, Stir and Call Ye Forth 

To Witness the rites, and guard this circle! 


Further discussions of this doctrine change will be held at the Spring Mysteries Festival, April 18th-21st at Fort Flagler, Washington, a recreation of the Eleusinian Mysteries hosted by the Aquarian Tabernacle Church. For more information and to place your order for a Goo Injector, please email

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Rt. Rev. Belladonna LaVeau is the ArchPriestess of Aquarian Tabernacle Church and Dean at Woolston-Steen Theological Seminary. A Navy Veteran, Mother of three, and Spiritual Counselor; Bella is a 10 year veteran of full-time Wiccan ministry. Her current passion is to create a benefits package for Wiccan Clergy to help provide the resources for groups and leaders to be successful in their ministry.      


  • Meredith Everwhite
    Meredith Everwhite Wednesday, 03 April 2019

    Is this for real..? This isn't the Pagan equivalent of "The Onion" going on or something? And they're really calling it "goo"??

  • Meredith Everwhite
    Meredith Everwhite Wednesday, 03 April 2019

    Or wait, was this an April Fool's thing..??

  • Aquarian Tabernacle Church
    Aquarian Tabernacle Church Wednesday, 03 April 2019

    Yes, it was an April Fool's thing. I hope you found it hilarious.

  • Meredith Everwhite
    Meredith Everwhite Wednesday, 03 April 2019

    Oh thank gods! LOL...once I realized that, yes I did. And technically I feel silly for not realizing it sooner but I pay no attention to April Fool's and don't even remember it until I see a direct reference. Plus it was still very thorough. Whew! I'd rather feel silly than be very, very sad if it weren't a joke... :D

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