“Here, I have something for you.”

I don't get angry very often, but a red flame of rage kindles inside of me. My long-time neighbor's new husband is a retired Baptist minister, and I've been expecting something of this sort. I've been down this road far too many times before, and frankly, I resent it.

Evangelism is one of the chief things that I hate about Christianity, not to mention its fellow imperialist (if I weren't such a nice guy, I'd say “pimp”) religions, Islam and (to a lesser degree) Buddhism. Cursed be the proselytizers.

Coming from people who place a high value on civility, I take his “salvation” pamphlet anyway. To think that trees died for this.

“I want you to read this and tell me what you think,” he says, lying. He doesn't care what I think; he just wants an in.

Over the years, I've thought long and hard about a proper response to this sort of behavior. I have no interest in discussing anything with spirit-bullies like this guy, certainly not my inner life. It's wasted breath to talk with someone who isn't listening.

So I'll ignore his bullying, condescending, and manipulative behavior for now. And if he brings it up again, I'll say to him what I always say:

Let me tell you something: where I come from, we feel that religion is like sex. It's intimate, and not something you go around discussing with everybody.

Then, because he's a neighbor, and clear communications are important, I'll add:

We've been good neighbors here for 30 years, and I'd like to keep it that way. So don't bring it up again.

As Tallulah Bankhead always used to say: Fuggum.

“They throw their religion away as if it isn't worth anything, and then they expect us to take it seriously.”

(Zuni elder)