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Pagans, better than anyone else, understand the power of symbols.

And statues in particular.

It's bad enough that, as you read this, the body of “evangelist” Billy Graham lies in state in the US Capitol rotunda.

Now there's a plan to memorialize him there permanently with a statue.

Graham never held public office. He simply does not deserve to be memorialized in a building dedicated to the preservation of a wall of separation between church and state.

That his body was exhibited at the US Capitol was a slap in the face of every non-Christian in America.

For his statue to stand there would be a knife in every non-Christian heart in the country.

(Editor note: this story is satire.)

In a surprise party-line vote Tuesday, the US House of Representatives passed legislation that would legalize private ownership of nuclear weapons by American citizens.

“Today we move a step closer to realizing the original intentions of the Founding Fathers,” Speaker of the House Paul Ryan (R) told reporters. “God bless the Second Amendment.”

Similar legislation is reportedly making its way through the Senate. “We have a mandate to keep our children safe,” said Senate Majority Leader Mitch McConnell (R). “How do you stop some whack-o with an assault rifle? Easy: you outgun him. God bless the Second Amendment.”

President Ronald Rump has indicated that he would sign such legislation if it were to reach his desk.

“Crooked Hillary doesn't want the good people of this country to be able to own nukes, but I do,” he told FOX News yesterday.

(Doorbell.)

Good morning, blessed be.

I'm Sergeant Johnny Deer of the PRP, the Paganistani Religious Police. I'm afraid we've had some complaints about this residence.

Yes, I'm afraid it is. Ma'am, it's almost March. You really do need to put the Yule things away. We've got to keep the Wheel turning, ma'am. In this age of Climate Change, we really can't afford to take any chances.

Oh, I understand completely. Believe me, I know all about busy. On this card, you'll find a phone number to call if you need a hand; there's free assistance available from the Commonwealth for the seasonally-challenged. Turning the Wheel is everyone's job, we like to say.

The people across the street? What do you mean?

Are we pagans or neo-pagans?

Is there an essential difference/are there essential differences between our paganism and that of the old pagans?

If so, what is it/are they?

Is the break in continuity between the old and new paganisms unbridgeable?

If not, how do we bridge it?

Can a neo-pagan become pagan or not?

If so, how?

 When enacting ritual in public, it's always best to make the directions part of the ritual itself.

Horns blow.

Procession to altar.

At the altar, officiant raises arms and chants:

Let all cell phones be turned off now: So mote it be.

Let all cell phones be turned off now: So mote it be.

Let all cell phones be turned off now: So mote it be.

(People join in third time.)

In my religion, snow is sacred.

Try to remember that.

It's late winter. It's been a cold winter, and winter in Minnesota is always too long. The Sun climbs higher in the sky every day, the buds are starting to swell, and the redbirds are singing their spring song (“Pretty bird! Pretty bird!”), but spring is still only a hope on the rose-red dawn horizon. We're coming up on the snowiest time of year.

So it's good to be reminded that snow is a gift.

We call Him Thunder for His Voice, but you could call Him Storm. In summer, He gives His good gift of rain; in winter, snow.

Ah, beautiful snow. Look closely and you'll see that it's actually every color but white. Snow is a wonder, so varied, so full of character: light, heavy, wet, dry, granular, fluffy. “The higher the snow, the higher they grow,” they say, meaning, of course, the crops. It's a true saying, too.

Against winter cold, snow makes the best insulation. That's the paradox of snow: it's cold, but keeps us warm.

Why is the body of unofficial "preacher to the presidents" Billy Graham to lie in honor at the US Capitol?

It's a slap in the face of every non-Christian in America.

Back in the Bad Old Days, when the United States could still pretend to be a Protestant country, Billy Graham had the ear of the White House for decades on end: a battering of separation which, frankly, can only be described as a national disgrace.

This homophobic anti-Semite had one sole agenda: to capture souls for his greedy god.

That the body of such a man should receive one of the highest honors available to any American—last accorded Rosa Parks, one of the preeminent heroes of the struggle for Civil Rights—is utterly reprehensible.

For Graham, to put it baldly, was no hero. Graham was nothing short of a spiritual imperialist.