Inherently, I don't like meditation because I feel like it's one long exercise of someone else telling me what to do. If you've been reading me for any length of time, you know how well I respond to being told what to do except in very specific consensual contexts. The second you tell me to close my eyes and make that mandatory and not optional, you've lost me.
Needless to say, this has been problematic in my budding yoga practice. It is one of many problems with my budding yoga practice. Almost everyone in my classes looks like a sexy yoga toned sex kitten who effortlessly flows from one movement to another. I spend a lot of time in class wondering why non-waifs don't do yoga. I also spend a lot of time in class wondering if I will ever be able to do half the movements being done as my boobs impede my entire life. Every time I say this, it's like a revelation so I'll say it again. If you are above a DD cup, everything is not awesome. Everything is not awesome at all. First, try spending less than $80 a bra if you are not in the Lane Bryant spectrum. I get three bras at a time and I have to replace them every six months. Yeah. For reals. Second, buying a bathing suit is like the fourth ring of hell. Third, sexy nightgowns? You are the hilar. They don't exist for us. My boobs never fit in the designated boob area. Fourth, athletics are super difficult to do because you have two quart sized baggies of peanut butter hanging from your chest. Fifth, good posture is a pipe dream.
One of the charming comments I've gotten elsewhere is that my definition of glamour magic is wrong. Super cool know more than me about a magic that is very rarely written about and that you can tell me how to do the magic that’s already working for me in my life.
Still. I figured it would be best to clear things up. Merriam-Webster gives two definitions:
The New Jersey Finishing School for Would-Be Glamour Girls & Boys
"Waiting to get my nails did and a lady just walked in wearing a floor length mink coat over a track suit. Also: SO MUCH JEWELRY. ALL THE (YELLOW) GOLD JEWELRY. New Jersey, I love you. Never change." - a text received by me from Ms. K, the ex-opera singer at 4:14p yesterday.