CRASH!

A massive commotion out on the front porch. The kids rush to the window to see what's happening. That's when the screams begin.

Out of the darkness of Midwinter's Eve, a hideous face is looking back at them from the other side of the pane, mere inches away. Over her shoulder pokes the muzzle of a huge black goat, seven feet tall if an inch.

The door crashes open of its own accord.

Oh gods, no! It's “Mother” Berhta: Old Witch Winter in person.

The kids are terrified, the kids are delighted. They'll be playing Mother Berhta for weeks. Berhta is mean, Berhta is scarey. Berhta kicks Santa's butt any day of the moon.

And she's the one with the presents.

Like the indigenous religions of the American Southwest, many of the New Pagan religions of the West are characterized by a personifying priesthood. There's a cultural understanding that the gods—inter alia—are, at certain times, present in their personifiers.

There's no pretense here. It's no secret that these are men and women that we know, under the masks, paint, and robes.

But the god is there, too. The goddess is there, too.

To the smallest of children, these are the gods themselves. As you grow up, you begin to see the scars under the paint. And when you grow even more, you can still see the scars under the paint, but you know nonetheless that the god, the goddess, is there anyway. You know this because you've experienced it for yourself.

That's what Mother Berhta and her goat Gnasher Skeggi are for. They're practice. They're simultaneously a satire of the personifying priesthood, and the thing itself.

And when Berhta comes into the room, even the wise-assiest kids know to knuckle under.

Because they know—as everyone knows—that Berhta holds the final trump.

She's the one with the presents.

Besides, she doesn't really stuff kids in her sack and carry them off, never to be seen again. Those are just stories. She doesn't really do that, right?

No, of course she doesn't. Not any more.

Well, hardly ever.

Of course, there was that one little kid back in '09, what was his name....?

Photo: Paul B. Rucker