These past few months have been filled with changes. Changes that have occurred at all levels of my life and brought with them joy, stress, worry, sorrow and all of the things that make us uniquely and fully human.
My life is full and complicated, so change upsets the perfectly ordered and balanced energy that keeps everything moving as it should. One of my greatest joys has always been my children and I loved that they were close in age (5 under 5, at one point), and gave little thought to the idea that they would also be leaving the nest, one right after the other. My husband and I raised our children to find their own paths and follow with passion what inspired them. So, true to this course, our eldest daughter, son and newly graduated youngest daughter are all living on the West Coast. Our twins will soon follow, leaving Pa. and pursuing a medical residency for one and Vet school for the other in parts yet to be determined. Each departure has reminded me of the changeable role as Mother and the necessary release of what we have nurtured so that these beautiful creations may find their own journey of creation.
Continued learning relating to a new job and the increased responsibilities greets me each workday and there never seem to be enough hours in the day to complete all that is required. New standards, new protocol, and the complexities of public education have honed my skills in asking questions, problem solving and independent, yet collective thinking. And, most days, by the time I come home the couch and mindless TV have become my companions, a change from the busy evening schedule I have routinely kept.
Health concerns prompted a complete turn about in how I treat my body. The so familiar "your body is a temple" that I generously offered up to my students, became a point of hypocrisy in my own practice. The excuse always, that I have never had a good relationship with food or body image because of years spent training and working as a professional ballet dancer. They say that "ignorance is bliss" so I blissfully claimed ignorance and avoided the reality of labs and symptoms. The reality is that time is not on your side if you do not do the work of making that time one of quality and healthful practice. Stress floods in when you are forced to plan what you eat daily and weigh in does not reflect the deprivation you feel. Changing the mindset of relying on numbers on a scale and images in a mirror can be difficult, but remembering that the alternatives can be devastating makes it an easier task.
Hiving and forming a new coven while remaining an active High Priestess of the existing one requires adaptability and stamina. Had someone told me this would be my focus for this year, I would not have believed them. Planning and the anxiety of being able to attract new members sets into motion its own domino effect of change. This has also required the scheduling of more workshops and teachings outside of our group at festivals and such to bring awareness to potential members of leadership and the style of that leader. This change brings with it excitement about future plans and the new group and the bittersweet loss of departing from the coven where I received my training and have served for 15 yrs. as it's High Priestess.
Despite the onslaught of these changes in a very short amount of time, the constant through each of them has been the knowing that the Goddess has been and is always by my side. In the waters of emotional breakdown and tears of endings and goodbyes, I have felt the compassion of arms wrapped around me in the loving embrace of comfort. And, each call to the Goddess to protect the journey of my loved ones as they took flight towards their own destinies was answered with a quieting of anxious worry and the echoes resounding through me of a gentle voice saying "all is well".
The stresses of the day are soothed as I open to the allowing the hand of the Goddess work through me efficiently and effectively and I offer myself up to the satisfaction of learning something new that can be applied in all of my workings.
The fear of failure and leaving behind the familiarity of what is known has been transformed into action and an attitude that staying the course and refueling from the energized waters of the Goddess' womb of creation will be the necessary beacon that will effect growth and creative change.
The transition of seeing myself as the daughter of the Divine, cloaked in her beauty regardless of size and shape has been one of finding the place of surrender within myself that allows for imperfections. I have learned much in these past few months and through these changes have been called to be mindful that what I teach and what I do for myself must be aligned with one another. I have learned that to fully embrace the Goddess as Mother, Healer, Teacher and more I must see them in myself and stand strongly as the Goddess crafting my own transformation.
We often give point of reference to the changes that occur in our lives and our responses as moving from the "old" you and becoming the "new" you. So, next you encounter opportunity to bring change into your life, embrace a new way of becoming. Acknowledge and offer up gratitude to the Divine within your life and co-create with the Goddess as she weaves your re-making.