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Subscribe to this list via RSS Blog posts tagged in soul searching

Posted by on in SageWoman Blogs

     How do I know I am living my life consciously? This question came to me as I stood at my kitchen counter preparing a morning cup of tea, gazing out at the neighbor's immense apple tree. I pondered it as I sipped my tea. How do I know? I realized I know when I'm not, and that seemed like as good a place as any to begin exploring this new question.

     When I am not living consciously, because I'm too caught up in everything going on and trying too hard to get things done that I fail to actually pay attention to what I'm doing, everything is just harder, and takes so much more work: plants begin dying, dishes pile up, the living room becomes a landmass of toys, laundry baskets, library books and shoes. This is not meant to be an essay on housekeeping, nor a meditation on homecaring as a metaphor for caring for the self--I'll leave that to Sarah Ban Breathnach. However, these factors are indicative of how consciously I am living my life. I am a mother and wife; a homemaker as much as a writer; I am a Pagan and Kitchen Witch. I write in between loads of dishes and supervising my four year old's writing lessons. I plot blog updates while popovers bake and then drive my seventeen year old to drumline rehearsal. Many, if not most of the people reading this have similar routines. I don't think my day-to-day reality is any more difficult than others'; indeed, it may be easier. I'm not rushing out of my house each morning to drop my youngest off at daycare, going to spend six to eight (or ten, or twelve!) hours at work, then collecting three children from various locations to come home and cook, clean and supervise homework. I used to. (I am not, however, implying that we stay-at-home parents do not work hard. I am reminded of this every evening around six o'clock when, having finished making dinner, I walk into the living room that my four year old has spent the previous half an hour demolishing, and my two teenagers have given up on their homework because I wasn't there to answer questions.)

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My dearest friend, why did you die?

Why did you need to go away?

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