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At the Astragalomancy Workshop

(Blows horn.)

Sure beats “May I have your attention, please?”, doesn't it?

(Laughter.)

So, welcome to Paganistan. My name is Steven Posch, and this is the workshop on astragalomancy. Long ago, in the dawn of days, the Horned, God of Witches, gave us the bones, and taught us how to read them.

This is a sacred knowledge, and so we'll begin our sacred work today in a sacred way. But first, some demographics.

How many witches here today?

(Voice from crowd:)

By whose definition?

(Laughter.)

Well, by yours, of course!

(Show of hands.)

Well, to all of you, whatever your pagan tribe: welcome, and a thousand times welcome.

So, members of the tribe and guests of the tribe both, let us together take up our sacred work today. Could I have a volunteer? (Show of hands.) Yes, you, thanks.

Robert Cochrane, the Father of the modern Old Craft movement, once said: “There is no true religion without fire.” (Gestures toward lighted candle.) This Fire has burned continuously for nearly 40 years at the Temple of the Moon here in Minneapolis.

Oh, and another thing: never ask an oracle—and especially not the Bones—readily falsifiable questions. That's not what they're for, and it shows deep disrespect.

Say you ask...

(Puts hand behind back)

“How many fingers am I holding up behind my back?”

(Brings hand from behind back, showing three fingers raised)

...and then you throw the Bones to see whether or not they get it right.

Assuming they even deign to answer—and they may just tell you, in effect, to go f*ck yourself—you'll get “One,” you'll get “Two,” you'll get “Four,” you'll get “Five.”

Will you ever get “Three”? No, you won't. Not ever.

Remember, this is the oracle of the Horned, god of witches, and—you'll pardon my Anglo-Saxon—he's a bigger f*cker than anybody.

So a rede to the Wise: don't f*ck with the Bones, and they won't f*ck with you, OK?

Seriously, Posch?

Next month at Paganicon 2025, you'll be teaching a class in astragalomancy: divination by knucklebones?

What the Bones Said: How to Cast and Read the Knucklebones

Long ago, in the dawn of days, the Horned gave us the bones and taught us how to read them.

Here's how.

Paganicon 2025

Friday, March 21 – Sunday, March 23

You mean to say that you're giving a workshop, and yet there will be no stack of new, ready-for-signing books on astragalomancy?

No do-it-yourself read-the-bones kits?

No faux-leather carrying pouches?

No cast-resin whitetail “knucklebones”?

No cotton “linen-style” casting-cloths?

You're giving a workshop, and you're not selling anything?

Anything at all?