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Good Witch vs. Bad Witch: Bad Shaman

"Dear Good Witch/Bad Witch:

My mother has a friend who invited a so-called Native American shaman to live with her a little over a year ago. Everything was fine for a while, but then weird things started to happen involving spirits in her home.

My mother's friend was also becoming very interested in witchcraft, spell work,and rituals. She was starting to attract all sorts of people into her life, and many of them were either frauds or didn't know what they were doing.

Then scary things started to happen with the "shaman" and we found out that he wasn't a good person. He was doing things like invading people's dreams, conjuring and trapping spirits, and generally causing bad things to happen to those he was around. Then we found out that he wasn't really a shaman or a Native American, and that he was in actuality a modern day necromancer. Eventually, my mother's friend kicked him out of the house but now he's dating her sister, who is completely infatuated with the man -- at least when he's around. (When he's gone she complains about him behind his back.)

I've tried to help my mother's friend through a house cleansing and a witch's ball, and that seemed to help but now I'm at a loss about what I can do to stop this guy from doing any more harm.

What should I do?"

Jessie from Jonesboro

Good Witch says:

Wow, Jessie. Jerry Springer couldn’t come up with a situation as bonkers as this one, even in his wildest and most fevered dreams. But I’m going to take this improbable-but-not-impossible question at face value because I’ve had experience with plastic shamans and the havoc they wreak.

Plastic shamans falsely present themselves as Native American spiritual leaders, healers, or holders of Native American spiritual teachings. They’re often white, but many have Native American ancestry. They tend to be very charismatic, and they use this power to take advantage of people’s genuine desire for spiritual connection to swindle them out of money, control them, or feed their own egos. They insult the cultures they claim to revere by stealing and/or bastardizing their traditions, and in the worst cases they set up cultish spiritual groups, manipulate and abuse their followers, and may cause grave physical harm through their ignorance and arrogance.

The wording of your question makes it sound like you feel some responsibility for fixing the situation. But you didn’t make this mess, and it’s not on you to clean it up. You personally taking on too much ownership won’t do anyone any good anyway, because it’s not going to be easy for you as an outside observer to resolve this. Plastic shamans are adaptable and resilient parasites, and the problems are occurring in another household with other people — one of whom may want the situation fixed at all.

That said, I totally understand wanting to shut this guy down. Here are some ideas for reducing his ability to do more harm, but you may need to accept the fact that there’s a limit to what you can do.

  • Before you do anything else, be sure to shore up the wards on your home and your personal shields. Help your mom do the same, and also the woman who kicked him out of her house (let’s call her Betty), who I’m assuming is on to him now.

  • Somebody must have told you Mr. Plastic Fantastic wasn’t a real shaman, so ask that person for more details, and ask if he or she knows anyone else who has more information. Gather your facts. Google the heck out of him, too. People who use others often leave disgruntled former friends in their wake.

  • Calmly and rationally present your evidence to Betty’s sister (let’s call her Veronica) when Mr. Plastic isn’t home. Bring Betty with you if she’s willing and if you think she can help you make your case, but leave her behind if you think Mr. Plastic being her ex would make the situation more complicated. Be prepared for Veronica not to believe you, at least at first. People who have been snowed rarely appreciate having it pointed out. It’s painful and embarrassing.

  • If Veronica believes you and kicks the guy out, have someone be in the house while he’s packing to support Veronica—preferably someone he finds intimidating. Afterward, help Veronica shore up her protections as well, including changing her locks. (Betty should change hers too, if she hasn’t already.)

  • Quietly get the word out to people who you’re certain know Mr. Plastic so he can’t move on to them after Betty and Veronica. Present your evidence in a calm, just-the-facts way. Don’t insult him, use inflammatory language, or accuse him without giving evidence. Your goal is to make people aware, not create Facebook drama or be accused of slander and libel.

  • Do magic—either alone or with others who know Mr. Plastic—to have his scams exposed and his true identity revealed. Shining a nice big spotlight on his lies is one of the most effective ways to shut him down. Remember that your goal is to expose him, not revenge. Focus on revealing his deceit rather than your anger. Also, don’t include anyone who is too focused on revenge or who still wants to maintain a relationship with Mr. Plastic. You need everyone to focus on the real goal of the rite. You may need to repeat the working a few times.

  • If you feel comfortable with it, do a ritual to set up an energetic mirror that reflects all his negative magic back at him. This is a more complicated working than exposing his lies and it may connect you to him more than you’d like, so do your research if you haven’t done it before, and, like the spotlight ritual, make sure anyone present is has their shields and wards in place and is fully focused on reflecting his own dark stuff back rather than on revenge.

  • Most of the time plastic shamans just talk a good game and have no real power, but if this guy really, truly is a necromancer, he may retaliate, so make sure everyone is aware of that before they join any ritual or help spread the word about him.

Be cautious, but don’t be afraid. People like this use your fear to get under your skin. Don’t let him. He’s far outstayed his welcome.


Good Witch

Bad Witch is .... peeved!

Dear Jessie,

I grew wistful, pondering this conundrum—if only I had a crisp Benjamin for every time some fake “shaman-guru-master” screwed over some pathetic seeker, I would be a very wealthy Bad Witch with my own compound. Alas, that is never how this sort of thing works, is it? Bad Witches only get called in after the senseless humiliation has left its fudgy stain all over someone’s house, soul and heart.

If you want to stop this “guy” from doing any more harm, out him on social media. Don’t let another hapless and gullible person get taken in by his “Native America” antics. Hint—if the so-called holy man can’t actually tell you his tribal affiliation, kick him to the curb. And if he says he’s “Lakota” (which is ever-so-popular these days), be doubly dubious. Hel, be dubious of all these too-good-to-be-true people.

What, may I ask, has happened to common sense? But, Bad Witch, he is so cool and so deeply connected to the very fabric of the Universe! Yeah, right. Listen up, all of you who are still thinking like high school sophomores—just because someone knows all the right things to say, has all the right jargon and rarely takes a shower with soap, doesn’t mean a jelly doughnut. Trust your instincts and do your best not to be yet another wounded American spiritual patsy.

As for your mother’s friend and her stupid sister—yes, I am clenching my teeth right now—until they have gotten rid of this loser, they will continue to feel creeped out in their own homes because this guy is a creep and they are co-dependent in his creepiness and are therefore, by a simply process of elimination, keeping the energy in the house as creep-friendly as possible.

Once they have gotten rid of him—if they ever do, which I doubt will happen—not only should the house be energetically cleansed in the most thorough way possible, but wards should be set around house and property. And then these two looney sisters from Looneyville will need to be cleaned up and wised up. My advice to you, dear Jessie from Jonesboro, is to get yourself and your mom as far away from them as is witchily possible.

And please tag Bad Witch in the post that outs him so I can curse him myself for wasting my time.

—Bad Witch

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Aryós Héngwis (or the more modest Héngwis for short) is a native of the Pontic-Caspian steppe, born some 5000 years ago, near the village of Dereivka. In his youth he stood out from the other snakes for his love of learning and culture, eventually coming into the service of the local reǵs before moving westward toward Europe. Most recently, Aryós Héngwis left his home to pursue a new life in America, where he has come under the employ of BBI Media as an internet watchdog (or watchsnake, if you will), ever poised to strike the unwary troll.


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