My Mother Path

My path through discovering myself as a mother, teacher and self.

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Many Blessings

Last night of my being alone, in a hotel room, away from my family for training.  Tomorrow I will go to work and then leave for home sweet blissful home!

But for now, I'm sitting in front of my laptop, watching Fantastic Beasts <3, drinking some water and enjoying a chocolate bar while dipping it in some almond butter all the while writing to you fine people.

I realized today just how loud it is in an office environment.  I'm not sure if it's just because I have just come off of an at-home job, or if my age (just turned 50 in June) is getting to me, or if the energy of the upcoming new moon is already starting to affect me.

So excited to be back with my family and the mild chaos of my house.  School will be starting and there will be peace and alone time during the day, but I will be at home, in the comfort of my surroundings, protected by my "stuff."

I must say, though, that this away experience has been so incredibly much better than the last "training" I was given.  That lasted three months away from my family during the winter.  I would get to go home on the weekends, but come Sunday afternoon, it was nearly all I could do to get myself out that door.  

I had to laugh because I had the flu when I was hired for that job and I had the flu again at the beginning of the training period a year later.  It was a year of asking to be trained to do a job that I had told them I wasn't prepared or experienced to do, but they had insisted that I was the perfect candidate,.  Even made me believe that I was that person.  But as time went on and my questions piled up unanswered, I realized that I wasn't in the place I needed to be.  

Finally they scheduled me for training.  But as the three months went along, things started to tug at my that they place was going to close, that I wasn't as "welcomed" as they wanted me to believe, and that I was a complete fish out of water.

I was staying in a complex that the institution owned, two bedrooms, four beds, a microwave, sink, table, very small bathroom with a shower and a cube of a refrigerator.  But, it was a free place to stay while training.  Then I discovered that my space would be walked in on when I wasn't around.  My "free" internet was monitored so they could track everything I did on my "off" time.  Then, upon one evening of facetiming my girls (on my data, not the "free" internet), the next day there was a sign on the wall above the table which read to keep noise to a minimum.  I had inquired about the sign and was told that someone was in the office next to my "suite" and could hear me talking and felt that the space needed to be quiet.  

I felt broken.  I guess that was what they had ultimately wanted me to feel.  There were so many wrongs with that job.

But leaving was the best, it brought on healing, understanding, and peace.

I do not regret that job or that experience.  I thank it for pushing me forward to discovery to finding a new path.

As I sat in the restaurant this evening enjoying a meal of fish and rice, I realized just how blessed I am.  I am terribly thankful for my life and all that is in it.  I'm appreciative for this new training experience.  It has been an amazing three weeks.

I have learned a lot about myself during this time.  I am no longer afraid to be away from my family or to be alone.  I am stronger and wiser than I had believed I was.  

Just believe in yourself, and remember, every experience whether it be good or bad is a beneficial experience. Remember that you are always more than you think you are.  We are our own worse critics.  Push past those negative thoughts and believe in yourself.  Good things will happen.

I have one last sleep here.  Going to sign off so I can get to sleep...the sooner to sleep, the sooner I get to be at home.

~Many blessings

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I am a wife and mother of three children, a Reiki Master Teacher, a Belly Dance Instructor as well as a very curious creature.


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