My Mother Path

My path through discovering myself as a mother, teacher and self.

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Ch Ch Ch Changes

Ugh, my on again, off again life.  

We moved here to slow life down.  It has been quite the adventure!  Since 2009, I have had 7 jobs.  That is more than Ihave ever thought I would have in my lifetime!  My husband has had 2 since being here.  I've started many projects and finished only a handful.

But, through all this I have learned what I wanted, how I wanted my life to be, and what was going to be the best for my family as a whole.

I have learned to put up walls - some with doors that I can open now and again to let certain people in, yet shut them out when it is necessary - and some with no doors at all, only windows.  These, I'm learning now, are the most important lessons I learned since moving back here.

And now, looking back, that might have been one of the sole reasons for moving back.  

I have struggled most of my life over issues and building blockages to help with issues from my mother and related family.

True, why would I want to move back into the thick of a toxic family situation?  I dunno.  I did it mainly because we felt that being here would benefit me, my husband and kids.  Which in the long run, it has.  The kids have become more stable in their sense of security.

I have learned over the past six months that I am stronger than I thought.  Although as I get older, I am considered more and more the black sheep of the family, I find that I am fully ok with that now.  Maybe it's because I'm turning 50 this year, maybe it's because for some reason 2017 seems like a good year to get rid of anything holding me down.

My daughter and I have started to sell some of our wirewrap jewelry creations at local vendor shows.  Slowly introducing some of the more "forbidden" types of items such as my Tree of Life pendants.  Surprisingly, they have a small following.  

This has just been one way that we have been creating our own way.  Staying off of the mainstream of expected behavior around here.  Some people who once thought us to be "odd" are now discovering us to be very nice, likeable people.  Small towns, what can I say, some "new" things are just scary I guess.

I had blocked the spirit contact for the past few months.  All this switching jobs and trying to figure out what I wanted to do when I grow up was just too crazy.  Now I'm working from home, finding a bit more freedom that I had lost.  I get to rediscover my writing - which I am very excited about, my crafting skills, and having 2 days a week that I normally would be working, off to have some self exploration time.

The time for reconnecting with some of the spirits that hang around must be close as last night one was watching me as I fell asleep.  This hasn't happened for a long time.  She seemed like a gentle spirit, but since I was tired, and couldn't spend time discovering who she was, I asked if she could wait outside my bubble until I am available.  This availability time will be tomorrow when I'm alone again.  I have missed these conversations and am glad that someone has made contact.

This shows me that I'm on the right path, my life is calming a bit more, and I am becoming more stable in my decisions.

It's strange to think that at almost 50 I'm still worried about making stable decisions.  That's the PTSD of my childhood creeping in.

I've been pretty good at hiding these feelings and issues from my kids as it is not their problem.  Strange this is that now they are getting older, they see these situations and have been amazing in their feelings and reactions.  They are really becoming wonderful little adults.

This life truly is cyclic, it changes and necessities push you towards the directions along the forks in your path.  The best thing to do is flow with these changes, follow your gut, listen to your guardians as they softly whisper to you.

Occasionally sit back and enjoy what is going on around you, observe and learn.  It's so easy to get blinders on and forget to do all this.  I know, I wore those blinders way too many times.  And just when I thought I took them off, my path will fork again, the craziness hits and I'm too busy to think and the blinders go up, the blockades go up, I push back the spirits and guides and regress into my own little hole.  And what do I learn from this....absolutely nothing except the life of a crab is a rollercoaster one. 

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I am a wife and mother of three children, a Reiki Master Teacher, a Belly Dance Instructor as well as a very curious creature.


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