It's hard, but I've adjusted to so many changes in my life. Job changes, starting a business, two high school graduations, son going to college - but doing so online. Then this hits me, my middle daughter, the one that has been nicknamed the emotional support child for so many - including me, has left for college. 

She is my artist (painted the picture above), my crafter of jewelry, may painter of cups/ornaments/bowls, and has gown into my coffee/tea date, coworker at our shop, picker-up of emergency groceries, taxi for the youngest, and often comic relief. She was the one who was never going to leave me, telling her dad and I the dreams she had of building a house right next to ours and "borrowing" our land so she could have a couple highland coo and sheep.

How is it that she is the first to actually leave? 

She made me promise not to cry, which I did - at least not in front of her. Instead the shower hid my tears and I used that alone time to allow myself this sense of mourning. Water magic is one of my favorites. Asking the water to wash away my pain, my worry, my sadness and to clean me, heal me and refresh me.

It was hard to allow myself to "mourn" over a child going off to college when just a couple days before a relative lost their young son - he died in a freak accident at his work. So how could I be sad about my child moving on in her life when she is still among the living. It seemed selfish.

But what I have allowed myself is to feel the process of change, the process of a child moving on. It's hard, this change, the silence in the house, the  emptiness in her bed, the left over food has increased. Even the little things like we don't seem to go through as much bathroom tissue, there's an extra change to get in the bathroom, the sweet tea lasts longer, and there's not as many dishes to do. 

Yet, the texts back and forth have increased and now there's an excitement for the weekends that she will be home, not every weekend, but some. And that's what keeps me from falling apart...she will be home now and again.

I remind myself that this is a big step for her, being away from us for extended period of time. She had gone on sleep overs with friends when she was younger, but slowly got out of doing so as she was feeling uncomfortable staying at other people's houses. This worried me as I wondered how in the world she would make it out in the world on her own. We discussed cultures and the differences in the world, the differences in personalities, differences in personal habits, likes and desires. I wanted her to be open and accepting to what and how others felt. 

She is also my empath. I worked with her early on as soon as we noticed how she was able to pick up on the emotions of those around her. I understood what she felt, I'm an empath as well. I trust her abilities and have encouraged her to trust them as well. I believe that they will help her navigate through life. 

So even though I must resist the urge to text her often just to check up on her, as well as resisting the urge to become an over protective mother to the other two at home. I am refocusing on myself a little, giving myself time to take care of me, to be a little selfish, to sit and crochet a little more, to take that walk and to work in the shop in the evening. I even get to work on my studies, do some writing, join a sisterhood and become a priestess. 

And even still, my heart breaks for my family who has lost a child. Not to have the anticipation of him coming through the door, sleeping in his bed, leaving messy dishes and clothes. In a way it makes my process of change a little easier.

~Blessings