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I am intrigued with living and conceptualizing the emerging paradigm of the Sacred Feminine. May you experience this blog as a Circle where you can breathe in to who you are. May you find new dimensions to yourself.

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Moments that Matter

The moments that really matter, are the ones where our hearts change. I recently heard a former lawyer involved in fighting racism saying that she had been trained to think you can’t change people’s hearts, so you’d better focus on changing the laws. Then she discovered Theory U, a new business framework that acually fits like a glove to the sacred feminine- yes, a new tide is here! She discovered that in fact you can change people’s hearts, and those are the moments that really matter. Changing hearts is even more important than changing laws. Every time our heart changes, that will have a lasting imprint on our lives- and on the lives of those around us.

For me this gave words to something that has been happening in my trainings but that i never quite could pin down.  Now I see: moments that hearts have changed! There have been so many of those! I challenged myself to remember them, and to start writing about them.  So here is the first... the most powerful of all... and it was with... my dog!

He is a stray dog from Crete, and he had just come with me to Holland. Everything was new for him, and he was so good willing but also so stressed that he constantly got triggered. He would get seduced to fight, or to run away, all of course at the most uncomfortable of moments. There came this moment when he refused to get in the car. I got triggered after some time, and I simply grabbed him, threw him in the back and banged the door close. I realized his ears would be hurting and something in me thought: ‘that’s what you deserve’…

But then, I looked in his eyes and the energy totally shifted. I suddenly saw myself through his eyes. To him, I was on a fast track to becoming another one of those he couldn’t trust, and he knew his answer to that: fighting till the end. He had done that before, in Crete, and he was ready to do it again.

In that moment, my heart changed. My indignation totally left me and made space for a much bigger truth. I could see the situation with an open heart, from a perspective including both of us, and I could see the devastating effect my deeds were having on our system. From this more inclusive space, from this open heart, I made a conscious decision to never again let it come to that point, and to go find a dog trainer working not in the traditional style, but with calming signals - a method rooted in cooperation and partnership instead of domination and hierarchy. This moment has changed his life and mine. It was still a long journey for him and me, and we both still made many mistakes...  but from this moment on, there was a 100% trust in each other, and an unconditional bond. We were going to solve this. This bond has grown stronger every day, with every challenge met, and has indeed crafted cooperation and partnership, and a very stable relationship.

Now, 6 years later, he is the sweetest dog ever, and our connection is a daily joy. Things that used to trigger him- like bicycles, joggers, noisy adolescents, dogs on leashes, or dogs barking loudly, he now just takes with a steady stride, showing his teeth when needed but always avoiding the fight and bringing a calming influence to the situation. People who knew him in the beginning sometimes wonder: 'how did you do that?'- but actually when I tell them, they can't hear, because it is too much out of the box for them. 

The moments of changing heart are vital to finding the doorway to a sustainable future, says Otto Scharmer, senior researcher and consultant at MIT and developer of Theory U. Like my dog and me at the beginning, our world is stuck in old dynamics rooted in power over. Most of us have been involved in inner growth work, we are inspired by the feminine way, but many of us find that somehow in the working place we can't tap into that potential.

Theory U gives an asnwer to that- and a way out. It hands us a systemic viewpoint. In the example of my dog and me, what that means is that I wanted to do different, and so did my dog, but our system got hooked in an old mode... until I left my personal perspective and rose to the systemic viewpoint. I saw what was happening in the system and what was my role in it. I saw the effect of my behaviour through the eyes of my dog, and I realized I was perpetuating violence. An unconvenient truth- but seeing it gave me the power to change it. This rising to a systemic viewpoint and then turning the beam of attention 180 degrees around, from pointing outward to pointing within, is a vital step towards stepping out of dysfunctional dynamics. To stop with whatever you are doing- to suspend judgements- and to dare see the effect of your own behavior on the situation. 

Otto Scharmer has found that the core of this process is precisely that moments of changing heart. Are we ready to open our hearts, even in the moments where it hurts most? Do we dare to see when we make others cringe- and instead of becoming righteous, allow our hearts to be touched?

What makes Theory U so radical, is it shows us this is true on all levels: personal, relational, team, organisation, global. Will our organisations dare see the effect of their choices on other people, other countries, the environment? Will your team dare to move from fighting for their own position to speaking for the whole? Will you dare see the effect of your words and energy on your colleagues, and instead of pushing something through move into a deeper presence and connection? 

I feel the sacred feminine here at every level, and I'm really excited our world is coming to a point where the balance is tipping to include her again full stop, at every level. What started as a niche thing is now global. And every time you are involved in a change of heart, a moment where you see the whole system and point the mean of attention around, every moment you open your heart- That's a Moment that Matters. 

Next time, I’ll share about a moment that changed hearts while coaching a case manager working with asylum seekers, and how she moved from feeling powerless and overwhelmed to being empowered. For now, I invite you to share a Moment that Matters for you. A moment your heart changed.

May we all grow in connection,



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I offer Sacred Space Online Events and a Priestess Training in Avalon, Egypt, Crete and Netherlands. This is just the beginning of my bio, and I know it’s already so much. I published a book in Netherlands: Living In Bliss, The Path of Initiation in Ancient Goddess Cultures (in Dutch). What intrigues me now is leaving behind old structures and being ever more true to the moment. I live next to the sea with my dog and cat, and love travel and dancing. Read more about me on


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