Awakening Goddess: Empowering the Goddess Within

As above, so below, as within, so without - every thing that we desire, and every thing that we fear, exists within us. This blog explores nourishing our dreams, committing to our highest values, and healing ourselves from the inside out: awakening and empowering the Goddess within our bodies, hearts, and lives.

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Treat Yourself How You Want Others To Treat You

What if the outside world is just a reflection of what is going on inside you?

Maybe the behaviors you witness and experience that upset you are a message to you about how you are treating yourself.

In that case, changing how you treat yourself would change how you experience the world.

Think about the stuff other people do that upsets you the most.  Then look at how you treat yourself.

For example, it drives me nuts when people waste my time.  I even get irritable when my 5 year old moves more slowly than I’d like him to, especially when we are running late.  I hate being late even more than I hate waiting on others.

So, the question becomes, how do I waste my own time?

The first thing that comes to mind is that I obsessively check Facebook, my email, and my blog for messages from others.  When I say obsessively, I mean, I’ll turn on my phone to check the weather and thirty or more minutes later realize I’m still on Facebook and I forgot to check the weather.

Another way I waste my own time is by neglecting to plan ahead when it comes to my own needs and desires.  I frequently forget to eat even though I almost always remember to bring food and drink for my kid, and then I end up wasting both time and money eating out.   I tend to only use my planner and calendar to keep track of meetings and appointments that involve other people, people whose time I act like I value more than my own.

Do I really value other people’s time more than my own?

As mad as I get when I feel that my time has been wasted, I think not.  So why do I behave as if my time is not valuable to me?

I couldn’t come up with an answer to that question right away, so I went back to the first: What do people do that upsets me most, and how do I do the same to myself?

Here is my short list of behaviors that upset me:

  • Wasting my time
  • Ignoring me
  • Cutting me off
  • Gossiping about me
  • Being too loud when I’m trying to relax
  • Being dishonest
  • Being Disrespectful








All of those behaviors are disrespectful.  So maybe I can shorten my list to just this one item.

My question then becomes: in what ways am I disrespectful to myself?

I’ve already established that I waste my own time.  Do I ignore myself?  Yes.  When I distract myself from my thoughts and needs by procrastinating and escaping into media, I am effectively ignoring myself, as well as wasting my own time and cutting myself off.

Do I gossip about myself?  Yeah, I guess I do.  When I criticize myself and my behavior to myself and to others, isn’t that the same thing as someone else saying the same things behind my back?

Am I dishonest with myself? Hmm.  I don’t like to think that I lie to myself, but when I really think about it, I do.  I make excuses.  I put off examining the whys behind my bad habits, and that is a form of dishonesty, even though it’s not intentional.

The most important question here is: In what ways can I be more respectful to myself?

This is the most important question, because it is the one that empowers me to change myself, and therefore change how I experience this world and my life in it.

I need to treat myself the way I want others to treat me – with respect.  So how do I do that?

First, I need to recognize that most of my disrespectful behaviors have become habits over the years.  Habits can be changed - I’ve done it before, but I know from experience that if I try to change too many habits at once, I’m going to fail and fail miserably.

Thus, I’m going to start by creating a new habit, which is much easier than changing an old hablt.  I shall call this new habit “checking in.” 

I just set an alarm on my phone to go off three times a day, 11am, 3pm, and 7pm, with the question “Am I practicing self-respect?” popping up on the screen.  Three times a day is less annoying than every hour, and I don’t want my new habit to annoy me, because if it is I won’t do it.


Ideally, I’d like to be aware of my goal to treat myself with respect every minute of every day, until it becomes habitual and I don’t have to think about it anymore.  However, I know from experience that if I push myself too hard to change, even if I know it’s a good change, I’ll get overwhelmed and numb out and fail to make the change.

So this week, whenever my alarm goes off (and any time I think to in between,) I’m going to check in with myself and observe whether my behavior is respectful to my own values.  If not, I’m going to ask myself what I can do instead that is in line with my values, and do that.  If it is, I’m going to feel good about it and keep it up.

I’m also putting up little notes to myself, reminders about my goals of treating myself with respect in places I’m likely to see them, like the fridge, my cell phone background, doors, and the cover of my nook.


How about you?  How can you treat yourself better every day this week, and what will you do to check in with yourself?

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Ashley Rae published her first book, a memoir, in 2012, and has been a professional psychic, healer, and teacher since 2003. Ashley's goal in life is to help you empower the divine spark within yourself so that you can love yourself freely, make your life awesome, and make this world a more beautiful, compassionate place. Visit her website to check out her other blog, find out her schedule, book an appointment and register for her classes.


  • Niki
    Niki Sunday, 07 December 2014

    Love it! Good job on finding the common thread in the elements you listed. And good for you for not trying to take on too much at once - that wouldn't be respectful either.

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