Pagan Studies

Learn how Classical Music harbors subliminal and not-so subliminal Pagan messages.

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Sometimes It Doesn't Work

This isn't my usual post about music, but music kind of drew me in a weird direction, because I joined a band with people in it I didn't know, and then this happened.

Sometimes, it doesn't work. The relationship.  Sometimes, no matter how hard you try to respect someone, and no matter how hard they try to respect you, your respective respect for each other just...isn't. Here's a story.

It's like learning how to eat at the table.  Joe Schmoe learned that it was tasteless to put your napkin in your neck.  Josephine Schmina learned that it was untrustworthy to put your wrists below the table.  They met each other and initially liked each other, and started working together and making great music.  It worked out until one time, they went to dinner and Joe Schmoe saw Josephine Schmina put her napkin in her neck.  Then Josephine saw Joe put his napkin on his lap, and therefore his wrists under the table.  They each asked the other, "Don't you know how bad that is?" and "How could a respectable person do that?"  They threw down the napkins and had a fight.  Each one realized that the other one had some deep issues concerning napkins, and they made up.

Then they went to dinner again, and the same thing happened, only it was worse because each one remembered how the other one had acted the last time they went to dinner, and felt blamed, accused, and wronged.  This time, they each wanted to win and to be the 'right' person afterwards, so they each pushed ALL the buttons.  Needless to say, they got kicked out of the restaurant. The band was over. They gave back all the gifts they had given each other over time, and called it done.  

But they each still went to the place where they first met.  They had friends there, who said they could take turns going to that place.  Neither wanted the other to miss out on good friendship, so they decided to try to coexist. 

Here's a prayer:

Dear Gods: I am still a child.  I am weak, vulnerable, and liable to misinterpretation. The worst of me has come out and showed its ugly face.  We both made bad decisions, and I don't know which of you to go to for help.  I need the roiling, blinding anger to go away.  I wanted the story to end, but not like this.  I thought I'd be happier. I normally walk away from people I feel like this about. I don’t know why I didn’t this time.  Help me to understand myself and live with the hurt and make the right decision anyway. 

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Amarfa has been studying the occult, wicca, and paganism for 17 years and counting.  She has been a musician since age 5, studying first guitar, then accordion for 10 years, placing 2nd in her division in the 1995 ATARI/ATAM New England Regional Competition,  and has been studying voice for 9. She has directed small early music ensembles, performed publicly, and starred in local theatre works, particularly the World Premiere of Nightsong, a musical theatre piece with direction and book by Jon Brennan and music by Kari Tieger and Kevin Campbell, as well as composing a musical of her own and writing music in her spare time.


  • Deborah Blake
    Deborah Blake Thursday, 24 April 2014

    This is fabulous. Thanks for sharing.

  • Amarfa
    Amarfa Monday, 12 May 2014

    You're welcome! It comes from hard experience. As Pagans, we're focused on getting along, and world peace, and sometimes it benefits the peace we seek to step away from people we don't like and can't get along with.

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