Within the fraternity of Freemasonry there is the designation of "operative and speculative" Mason.  The operative Freemason are those Masons who actually used the working tools of Masonry (level, plum, square, et al) and built structures from stone -- as the mythical history of Freemasonry tells the story operative Masons have their genesis in the building of King Solomon's Temple as well as the medieval stone masons guilds of the Middle Ages.  Speculative Freemasonry is the symbolic use of the operative masons working tools to illustrate a spiritual, moral, and ethical story on how an individual Freemason should live his life -- "meet on the level and part on the square."  Therefore, Masonic Lodges throughout the world are populated by "speculative" Freemasons.

I joined the Masonic fraternity in 1997.  I have also joined other Masonic bodies such as the Ancient Accepted Scottish Rite and the Ancient Arabic Order of the Noble Mystic Shrine (Shriners), and even The Order of DeMolay (a Masonic inspired youth organization for boys).  I currently serve my Masonic Lodge as chaplain -- which I very much enjoy.

For most of my Masonic "life" I was unable to regularly attend lodge.  I was in school (college and graduate school) for ten years and didn't live close to my lodge.  There were brief periods were I would attend semi-regularly but for the most part I lived my Masonic identity on my own without making deep emotional connections to any one person; although, I felt a connection to the Order itself through the knowing and understanding of Masonic principles and a sense of pride that came from knowing that I was a Freemason.

Now that I have finished college, graduate school, a lengthy internship and find myself employed an stable in my profession I have become active within Freemasonry and was asked to serve as lodge chaplain.  I have discovered that many of my Masonic colleagues are incredibly conservative and that is sometimes uncomfortable for me.  I consider myself a left leaning moderate but some that I have encountered are far right leaning and I have felt uncomfortable by some of the off hand statements that have been made.

The long period of "solitary Freemasonry" that I experienced I refer to as "speculative-speculative" Freemasonry, because I was living Masonry on my own without the company of other Freemasons.  This gave me a romantic view of Masonry.  One that was less human and more "perfect."  In the past several years I have lived out my Paganism in a similar fashion.  I used to cringe at the notion of "solitary practitioner."  I've always considered myself a social person who valued community and assumed that I would always be a part of a thriving local Pagan community.  I have felt "burned" by the Pagan community and due to several personal factors found myself living a solitary Pagan existence.  It is easy to view Paganism in a similar romantic idealized way without the back and forth interplay with other human beings.  

Now that I'm more active within my local Masonic Lodge I have seen "less-than-perfect" examples of Freemasonry and that is troubling.  I imagine this feeling is similar to when a new Pagan encounters other Pagans and realizes that not every Pagan is a good person and that the Pagan community has issues and troubles of it's own.  Does that mean you give up on the community?  I don't think so, I have remained connected to the Pagan community even when it has been painful to do so and why I remain in Freemasonry even when I feel my feathers are being ruffled.

Recently there were comments flying around my lodge about Pagans not being welcome within the fraternity.  Those people making these comments were "Past Masters" (past presiding officers of a local lodge) and their words were rather troubling because they held some weight (at least they think their words hold more weight).  Since becoming active at this particular lodge I have not come out as openly Pagan -- I don't talk about religion in Lodge unless it is veiled in Masonic symbolism.  I follow a Christo-Pagan Gnostic path so it is easy for me to blend in; especially since I attended a mainstream seminary and work as a hospice chaplain.  I have worked to foster better education on the universality of Freemasonry and how there is room for Christians, Jews, Muslims, Pagans, Hindus, et al within the fraternity but have not pulled out my Pagan flag and started waving it in the faces of my fellow Freemasons.

When I was younger I felt it my calling to be an apologist for Paganism.  To seek out any opportunity to "fight the good fight" and defend my beliefs.  I don't feel this way now.  I have felt I could make a difference by being a good example and practice patience and compassion in my dealings with others.  But a part of me misses the part of myself that would jump into the fray ready for a theological battle.  Is this prudence and wisdom?  Or have I "sold out" and lack conviction?  Perhaps a little bit of both.  

The Pagan community has changed over the years and I have changed too.  Freemasonry is a wonderful fraternity but it is not perfect and neither is Paganism.  Both are composed of people and both illustrate that individual perfection is an ongoing process.  In my reflection upon solitary Paganism and solitary Freemasonry both I am starting to feel that it is necessary to have interaction with others to fully experience what a tradition (Pagan or Masonic) has to offer and teach.  I recently read that all spirituality is about is relationship -- relationship with the divine and relationship with fellow human beings.  I subscribe to this statement and believe that spirituality truly is about relationship and connection between one's self and the Divine and with other people.  

A lot to think about.  I'll keep thinking on it.