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your Godphone is okay

Today's post is begat by some "never trust your godphone, it takes years to develop" type posts floating around on the interwebs. I'm not picking on anyone in particular because I can't even tell you which one I saw, just that it annoyed me into telling a friend that I felt like that attitude is demeaning and that telling someone to disbelieve all their UPG is to undermine their trust and relationship in the Divine. I also expressed to said friend that I felt like saying that was a losing battle, because so many people drink that kool-aid right from the start. Hel, Idrank that kool-aid initially, y'all.

I was rewarded with a dream of Spirit Worker school where everyone was handed out adult diapers. "Put 'em on, you're gonna need 'em."

"I don't understand why we need these...I mean, won't they be uncomfortable? And for number two, it'll be even worse...why do we need to infantilize ourselves for this Work?"

But of course, that was the point of the dream. Oh, Loki, making His point with diapers.

So how do I know that I've heard Them correctly?

To be very bluntly honest, I'd like to kill that question with fire. The pressure to have "right" UPG or to have heard  Them right or somehow you're a crap SWer/devotee/your relationship here is bullshit. To me, hearing "right" is a very different thing than discernment. Asking yourself why am I having this experience?is an infinitely more productive question. An example:

  • Step 1: Thought about X.
  • - Discernment process - Is this a persistent thought? Give it time to come up again. If it does, go to Step 2. If not, Go to Step 1b.
  • Step 1b. Let it go; it's a whim (yours or Theirs) or a blip in the godphone. Either way, don't dwell on it. Let it go.
  • Step 2. It's persistent. Okay, take it seriously.
  • Discernment process: does it come from Them or me?
  • Step 2a. Does this (possible) UPG in some way self-aggrandize me? Or does it, in some way, reinforce negative things that I think about myself that allow me to self-sabotage? If no, proceed to Step 3. If yes, proceed to Step 2b.
  • Step 2b. Yes, it does. Do NOT discard this persistent thought. This is the time to reach out to someone else if you find that this thought is beyond your ability to self-care. It's not a weakness to seek counseling, particularly if you are engaging in self-sabotaging behaviors. In the past year, I've been seeing a hypnotherapist off and on as needed to work through my own shit. It's not weakness, but rather strength to take care of yourself. Some personal issues are beyond the scope of just chatting with a friend or fellow devotee. Go forth and heal thyself if you need to do that. It's no different than getting physical therapy for rehab after an accident. And certainly mental health issues don't preclude you from having a good godphone; Del of Sex, Gods, and Rockstars has written some excellent entries on his dealing with having both.
  • Step 3. No, this thought does not give me secondary gains of grandeur or sabotage. It's UPG. Go with your UPG. Learn to trust yourself.
  • Step 4 (from a joke between myself and Jim)


(Original image by Allie Brosh, text by Jim and me)

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Lokean nun, writer, swamp witch. Heather is a Pagan monastic, writer, editor, and mother. She has written and edited for a variety of publications and social media, including science journals, romance novels, and technology blogs. She also holds degrees in education and speech-language pathology, and has a passion for historical linguistics.


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