Solitary: A Self-Directed Spiritual Life

Let's talk. Come sit with me under a tree or by a lake while we chat about being alone in our practice and our beliefs. Solitary practitioners choose this path for many reasons and have a unique perspective. As a solitary witch, I want to share how I keep true to my beliefs and practices whether I'm working on my own, in a small group or attending a large group gathering. Author of Moon Affirmations, meditations based on the phase of the moon.

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Coping with Negative Energy

Family is one of the most difficult aspects of my life.  My husband and I are both the youngest in our families.  He’s the youngest of seven and I’m the youngest of six.  There are a lot of personalities and opinions in large families. 

Recently, my family had an emergency with my mother (who’s 83).  She spent the holiday weekend in the hospital.  She suffered a very mild stroke.  She was lucky in that she has little residual after affects from the stroke. 

For my siblings, chaos and drama ensued.  I like a drama free life.  I try to keep centered and balanced which doesn’t always work.  We came back early from our daughter’s home out of state in order to be part of the discussion of mom’s care once she came out of the hospital. 

Instead of the calm rational discussion I wanted to have with my siblings, I got drama.  To be fair, I don’t have the best of relationships with my siblings.  I don’t feed into their drama and remove myself from it often.  I’m sure this hurts their feelings because I won’t play their games. 

I was hoping we could come together like adults to determine how we can all work together to help mom while she heals and recovers from her stroke.  I hoped for too much.  One sister wouldn’t even be in the same room with me.  One sister said two sentences to me and left again.  It shouldn’t be hard for five grown women and one grown man to sit in a room and say, here is what needs to be done and this is who is going to do each of these parts.  Apparently in my family it is.  

When this drama occurred, I have to say I left the gathering angry, overwrought, and unreasonable.  I wanted to slap my siblings and was tired of their usual drama.  After speaking with my mother’s doctors and the physical therapist, I opted to take a balanced and calm approach to what needed doing. 

The pt said she needed a grab bar to help her get in and out of the tub.  I simply bought one and will give it to my sister (who my mother lives with).  She also wants her to have a gait belt (for when she is using her walker and has someone there to help her walk).  I bought that as well.  It was money I couldn’t afford but it is my mother and she needs it.  The total cost was about $50 which puts me short until pay day but I’ll manage.  It didn’t need to be a drama.

The pt said she needed a walker.  My husband has a connection with someone who is connected to an organization who loans them out to anyone who needs them.  My mom will have her walker today at no cost.  Again, we did this because it needed doing and quite frankly I didn’t want to deal with the drama of trying to get the family to agree to do anything. 

I’m sure there will be ongoing issues with my family.  How can there not be?  I’m going to try to have a better approach to it as I move forward.  I have to remember my mantras I’ve created when dealing with their drama in the past.  One of which is “I am surrounded by a brilliant white light, I am guarded by a brilliant white light, I am protected by a brilliant white light.”  This mantra helps remind me to keep in my own bubble while dealing with people who are difficult and unpleasant. 

The other thing I do to cope is to go to my comfort zones.  This could be a conversation with one of my daughters, holding hands with my husband, or just listening to quiet music while meditating.  It is a matter of segregating myself from the negative energy my sisters give off and keeping myself in a positive and loving place.  While this is difficult when I’m interacting with them, it is important to keep me balance (and sane or as sane as I can be) and in finding my balance when I’m no longer in the difficult situation.

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As a solitary, I consider myself a pagan witch who is seeking. Residing in rural Wisconsin, by day I work as a clerical worker and at night I spend my spare time writing. Writing is my way of expressing my feelings about my world and life. Raised on a farm, I have a love for nature and am inspired by the beauty and power I find there. I've been married for 33 years and have three adult daughters. Some of my other interests include cooking, genealogy, reading and crocheting.  
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  • Cindy Laskevich
    Cindy Laskevich Thursday, 04 December 2014

    Drama queens! Do people who put their personal agenda (walking out) ahead of caring for their mother not realize how deeply flawed their reasoning is? Not likely. Did you ever get to ask the question, "what can we do for Mom?" I hope your sister who lives with your Mom appreciates your investment in her recovery. I'd say that's the relationship that matters most. Perhaps you can provide respite?
    But I will say that there are many wonderful women in my life who are truly my sisters...much more than my own biological sibling who in no way resembles a "sister". It's stunning how some people are so resentful of and even infuriated by my wholeness and happiness. We'll be glad we're not them --yes?

  • Eileen Troemel
    Eileen Troemel Thursday, 04 December 2014

    No I didn't get to ask that question of them. I have just taken on what needs doing. The problem will come in relation to the legal documents which are necessary. Power of Attorney for both health and finances, living will, and disposition of body in addition to her will all have to be created, signed, notarized and so on. My mother lives on social security and a small pension. She certainly doesn't have money for a lawyer. I offered to pay and she said no. I offered to help with the forms (in our state they are free online) and she said yes. This will cause problems and I'm bracing for it because I know my family too well.

    Right now, I'm working on educating myself on strokes and after care. My sister who lives with my mom is working on modifying her house to make it more mom friendly (adding a second railing to the stairs). Surprisingly, one of our sisters doesn't work in the winter and she's stayed with mom. She lives further away and we didn't expect any assistance from her but have gotten a little relief with having her stay with mom right out of the hospital. My brother who disappeared from our lives (though he only lives five miles away) has offered to take mom to appointments. The positive energy of these surprises helps restore some of my faith in them. I just keep telling myself I have to ignore the drama queens and focus on what is best for mom.

    I too have sisters who aren't blood related and they've been very supportive and helpful. One of the biggest things is they make me laugh. It relieves the stress and moves me closer to a balanced state. And YES I'm glad I'm not like those who aren't helping...

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