Paganistan: Notes from the Secret Commonwealth

In Which One Midwest Man-in-Black Confers, Converses & Otherwise Hob-Nobs with his Fellow Hob-Men (& -Women) Concerning the Sundry Ways of the Famed but Ill-Starred Tribe of Witches.

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A Modest Proposal


Face it, folks: there's strength in numbers. We need a term that includes us all.

Once “pagan” was our prime term of art, but since (like fractious adolescents) we tend to define ourselves by rebelling against what we're not, that simply doesn't work anymore.

So here's my suggestion.

I think that we need to take a page from the GLBTQI+ playbook.

(Interestingly, both “gay” and “queer,” originally intended as terms of inclusion, have since come to be used exclusively instead. Hai mai, it's nice to know that you're not alone in the world.)

We need to come up with a long, unwieldy, mysterious string of capital letters that's constantly bloating into a longer, more unwieldy, and ever more mysterious string of capital letters that never quite manages to resolve into a pronounceable acronym.

Of course, since—for all our egocentricity—we tend to have fragile egos, we need to be as inclusive as possible when we do this.

Let's see: Witch-Warlock-Wiccan-Pagan-Heathen-Druid-Reconstructionist-Polytheist....

This we can then rescramble periodically—say at the Solstices and Equinoxes—so that everyone gets a chance to be first for a while and no one, Gods forbid, should feel left out.

So—take a deep breath, now—to the entire W3PHDRP+ community, let me extend my very best wishes for a happy, healthy, and prosperous 2019.

Or something.


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Tagged in: humor pagan humor satire
Poet, scholar and storyteller Steven Posch was raised in the hardwood forests of western Pennsylvania by white-tailed deer. (That's the story, anyway.) He emigrated to Paganistan in 1979 and by sheer dint of personality has become one of Lake Country's foremost men-in-black. He is current keeper of the Minnesota Ooser.


  • Murphy Pizza
    Murphy Pizza Friday, 04 January 2019

    BWA HA HA!! *snort*..Hahahaha!!

    So true!

  • Meredith Everwhite
    Meredith Everwhite Friday, 04 January 2019

    Despite what I think I'm detecting as a degree of sarcasm, at least on one subject here, I think "we" are all a little too varied for just one name that can really "include us all" anyway. As well it should be. I feel like that would somewhat defeat the purpose of us each being what we are.

    "Pagan" has seemed a decent enough blanket term though, has it not? Why isn't that working? Seems to me that "defining ourselves by rebelling against what we're not", is what's not working. After all, how many times have we been told, in magic practice and life in general, to focus on what we do want, rather than on what we don't. That should apply just as strongly to personal identity.

    But indeed, the ever-morphing group formerly known as LGBTQ is a great example of humans' obsession with names and labels (sometimes far more than with the substance or lack thereof for which the label is intended) and how trying to be "all inclusive" can really get out of hand, ironically end up failing, and if nothing else just supply PC (and let's not forget the delightful new SJW) nitpickers with yet something else to complain about and berate the unwitting for. Hopefully "we" will stay well above that.

  • Anthony Gresham
    Anthony Gresham Friday, 04 January 2019

    Happy Pagan Bloggers we!
    Don't like what I write, then don't bother to read.
    So many posts out there to peruse, it's okay to pick and choose.
    Thinks the lonely solitaire "Blessed be, my easy chair".
    Happy Pagan Boggers we, united in diversity.

  • Arwen Lynch
    Arwen Lynch Friday, 04 January 2019

    How about a nice short one like FD for Fucking Different? :D

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