Paganistan: Notes from the Secret Commonwealth

In Which One Midwest Man-in-Black Confers, Converses & Otherwise Hob-Nobs with his Fellow Hob-Men (& -Women) Concerning the Sundry Ways of the Famed but Ill-Starred Tribe of Witches.

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Thirteen Surprising Facts About Cowans

Cowans are not all alike.

There are Protestant cowans, Shi'ite cowans, Hasidic cowans....

Cowans are not necessarily anti-pagan.

Some cowans actually like pagans.

Cowans don't all look alike.

Next time you're with a group of cowans, take a really close look. You'll be amazed!

Cowanism is not a single religion.

In fact, there are many different forms of cowanism.

Many cowans find the term “neo-cowan” deeply offensive.

These may self-identify as “new cowans,” “modern cowans,” “contemporary cowans,” or simply as “cowans.”

Not all cowans are originally from Cowanistan.

They just drive that way.

Cowans do not necessarily know one another.

Really, it's true! Cowans are no more likely to know one another than pagans are.

Statistically, cowans are no more likely to commit child-abuse, rape, or incest than pagans.

Counter-intuitive as it many seem, a 25-year study by University of Paganistan researchers has indeed shown this to be the case.

Successful intermarriage between pagan and cowan is actually possible.

Over the years, there have been several attested examples.

Virtually every pagan family has at least one cowan ancestor.

Do you know yours?

The custom of the Yule-tree was invented by cowans.

Hard to believe, but true!

There's no etymological connection between cowan, cow, or Kiwanis.

And finally, most amazing of all:

All cowans were originally pagan!

Note:

The phrase “self-described cowan” is deeply patronizing, and has no place in contemporary pagan journalism.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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Poet, scholar and storyteller Steven Posch was raised in the hardwood forests of western Pennsylvania by white-tailed deer. (That's the story, anyway.) He emigrated to Paganistan in 1979 and by sheer dint of personality has become one of Lake Country's foremost men-in-black. He is current keeper of the Minnesota Ooser.
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