Paganistan: Notes from the Secret Commonwealth

In Which One Midwest Man-in-Black Confers, Converses & Otherwise Hob-Nobs with his Fellow Hob-Men (& -Women) Concerning the Sundry Ways of the Famed but Ill-Starred Tribe of Witches.

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New Findings Confirm Folk Wisdom About Broken Glass

AP: Minneapolis, Minnesota

Think back to the last time that you broke a glass on the kitchen floor. Did it seem to you at the time that you swept up more glass than could possibly have been in the glass before you broke it?

Well, it turns out that you were right.

According to Dr. Martin Summerton, Professor of Applied Theurgics at the University of Paganistan's prestigious Department of Thaumatology, carefully-controlled experiments demonstrate that breaking a glass actually does increase its weight.

“If you weigh a glass, break it, and re-weigh every shard from the broken glass, the overall weight of glass increases by approximately 12.3%,” reports Summerton. “Apparently the old folk wisdom is correct.”

Parallel research at Arkham University and the Summerisle Polytechnic Institute duplicates Summerton's findings. Researchers are still uncertain what causes the increase.


“At present, we can't explain the phenomenon,” says Summerton. “The implication is that what we call the Laws of Thermodynamics are rather like the Pirate's Code: they're really more along the lines of suggestions.”






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Poet, scholar and storyteller Steven Posch was raised in the hardwood forests of western Pennsylvania by white-tailed deer. (That's the story, anyway.) He emigrated to Paganistan in 1979 and by sheer dint of personality has become one of Lake Country's foremost men-in-black. He is current keeper of the Minnesota Ooser.


  • Anne Newkirk Niven
    Anne Newkirk Niven Wednesday, 04 March 2015

    I hope that "the Onion" doesn't scoop you up for your razor-sharp wit, Steven!

  • Greybeard
    Greybeard Wednesday, 04 March 2015

    Someone is pullng your leg, or you are trying to pull ours.

  • Steven Posch
    Steven Posch Thursday, 05 March 2015

    I thought of saving it for April 1. Ah, life on the cutting edge!

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