New Vesta: Renewing the Sacred Flame

A blog dedicated to the renewal of the ancient Vesta tradition, the “spiritual focus of the home,” in modern households.

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Why Vesta or Pagan-Based Relationship Help Has a Lot to Offer

Although my couples mediation practice is first and foremost a secular one, since publishing my New Vesta book series I have also been providing Vesta-based relationship help to those who have specifically sought me out for that service (it bugs me when a practitioner sneakily slips their own spirituality into what is assumed to be a secular appointment).

To be honest, I was initially worried that “coming out” pagan would negatively impact my private practice; however, my fears have proven unfounded.  Business is as good as ever and I’ve had fantastic feedback from people who identify with my story and worldview.

Yet there’s always someone who feels compelled to lash out with their assumptions – after all, we live in an angry, know-it-all world – and recently a woman I’ve never met or spoken with implied that pagan-based relationship help was an untested and irresponsible approach.

The truth is, religious based counselling is widespread and common.  Professional counselors, psychologists and mediators regularly advertise services that include Christian, Jewish or Muslim-based relationship help.  Indeed, some clergy who provide marital advice have had no actual training in marital issues, their area of expertise being limited to scripture only.

So my question is this:  Why should contemporary pagan-based relationship help – Vesta, in my case – not also be an option for those who actively seek it out?  After all, I and many other pagans are fully trained, qualified and experienced in our fields of expertise.

There is no reason that we cannot professionally and responsibly blend our experience with our spirituality in the same way that Christian, Jewish or Muslim practitioners do, again providing that our clients have specifically requested this type of service.

Frankly, the type of Vesta-based service that I offer has a much longer history of being associated with marital and family solidarity than any of the Abrahamic religions, all of which prioritize individual devotion to their male god over devotion to the family unit, and all of which put the man at the “head” of the household.

This is in sharp contrast to the dynamic, socially progressive spirituality of the New Vesta tradition which emphasizes gender equality and which puts the family unit above anyone and anything else. 

Vesta, the goddess of the home and hearth, served as the “focus” of the family a thousand years before Christ was even born.  Her simple, sweet household rituals and meal-time offerings were being practiced by wives, husbands and children for many centuries before the first Christian man “absorbed” this practice and said “grace” before a meal. 

Implying that this spiritual system (or any ancient pagan or polytheistic tradition) is “less responsible” or “less proven” than today’s androcentric monotheistic Abrahamic religions isn’t just self-righteous and hypocritical, it’s uninformed. It also makes the rather insulting presumption that pagan clients – unlike other religious clients – don’t know what’s best for themselves. 

Nonetheless, I am delighted to see that pagan-based relationship help is gaining a real foothold, with more and more mainstream practitioners like myself respecting and incorporating it into their practice just as we do other spiritual systems and worldviews.

Considering the rapid growth of various forms of contemporary paganism in today’s world, I expect even more will continue to do so.  As long as practitioners continue to provide qualified secular services in addition to their spiritual-based services, and as long as they don’t push their views on others (in my experience, pagans don’t tend to do this), I think this trend can only be to the benefit of our clients and their families.      

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Debra Macleod, B.A., LL.B. is a couples and family mediator, a top-selling marriage author-expert and a popular resource for major media in North America. She is the leading proponent of the New Vesta tradition and order. Her New Vesta book series and Add a Spark women's seminars "spread the flame" into modern lives and homes.

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