My seed catalogs have started to arrive in the mail. The glossy summer-bright photos are inspiring and awe-inducing (Moon and Stars Melons! Nebraska Wedding Tomatoes!), and also humbling. Each packet of seeds contains worlds of potential What in this universe holds more promise than a seed? Each tiny package is a life in stasis. Every seed on this planet contains knowledge: knowledge of self, knowledge of its needs and its future. A seed knows not to grow until it has been placed in the proper environment. Each seed knows when to allow itself to break apart and become something else, stretching toward the sun's light and the future.
Every seed is aware of its purpose. It knows why it was placed in this world and what it needs to do to achieve that purpose. We are not so fortunate. We lack the inner instruction manual that seeds possess. All too often we feel as though we are floundering, struggling to break out of our confines and grow into the Self we are meant to be.
Taking Responsibility. That is such an odd phrase. There are so many ways to understand it depending where you put the emphasis. As children we learn to take responsibility for our actions. Often this relates to something we’ve done wrong. Instead of blaming the mishap on someone else, our parents want us to “fess up”. They tell us to assume responsibility so that they can deliver the consequences. This is an imposed system, made extremely explicit and structured by the grown-ups to demonstrate how life really is. We learn the law of cause and effect early and it can help keep us out of trouble. Being responsible becomes an initiation into acting like an adult.
Soon “taking responsibility” can be worn like a badge of honor. We learn that being responsible has great rewards and helps us advance in life. Telling the truth, showing up on time, and sticking by our word all become ways we are responsible. We often talk about teenagers that get good grades and hold a steady job as being responsible. It is an important distinction and these adolescents thrive on the compliments. Soon being responsible can become a dangerous source of pride.
I’ve been spending a lot of alone time lately since my work has decided to send me to training an hour and a half away from home.I’m staying there through the week to save on the travel time and gas money.Lacking the responsibility of housework and kids, I felt myself starting to bounce off the walls a bit.The small apartment that I am staying in doesn’t have a TV, nor a radio.Sure, I can listen to Pandora on my phone, as well as search YouTube for songs and videos.Then there is my laptop.I can stream and search using the wifi that is connected to my work’s system.But, I needed to be careful as they review sites that people go on.That limits my searching and researching ability.
I have been thinking about the direction this blog should take; how best to illustrate how my spirituality is tied to my daily life and my relationship with my family--how can/will my spirituality see me through the present circumstances of my life. In short, how do I become the person I want to be, and who can guide me there?
I realized the best way to start was to ask. What do I need to know? I didn't ask anyone--I just presented the question and waited for an answer. The answer that came to me over the course of a few days amid dishes, laundry, library trips, preschool story hours, homework help and Play-Doh projects was simple, and yet so very complex.