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Subscribe to this list via RSS Blog posts tagged in satire
Song: The Gnostic Mass (to the Tune of: The Monster Mash)

Breathes there a Thelemite without a sense of humor?

Let no one accuse me here of disrespect; actually, as rituals go, I'm rather fond of old Uncle Al's Missa Gnostica. As for this little jeu d'esprit, it's all in good fun, my little pretty.

 All in good fun.


The Gnostic Mass

(Tune: The Monster Mash)


I was seein’ a museum late one night

when my eyes beheld an eerie sight:

a fella from a stele began to rise,

and suddenly, to my surprise


He said the Mass

(he said the Gnostic Mass)

the Gnostic Mass

(It really kicked my ass)

he said the Mass

(he said the Gnostic Mass)

the Gnostic Mass

Last modified on
Posch, You've Gone Too Far: In Which Our Intrepid Blogger Indulges Himself in a Thoroughly Tasteless—If Tasty—Bit of Satire

“Seriously, what is it about witches and cannibalism?”

(Sabrina Spellman)


As every witch knows, unbaptized baby is a delicious, nutritious, and—in this overpopulated and increasingly nonreligious world—readily available food.

These days you can even get organic ones at Trader Joe's.

But—you might ask—is it really worth all the effort? And—on a strictly practical level—who has a large enough oven any more?

Now, plenty of witches have oven issues, of course: completely understandably, let me say. But do remember that, when properly jointed, what is traditionally known as hornless goat* will fit quite easily—even allowing ample room for plenty of vegetables—into the average roasting pan. If it will hold a turkey, it will hold a baby.

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  • john stitely
    john stitely says #
    Martha Stewarts recipe for Unbaptised Dutch Baby INGREDIENTS 1/3 cup all-purpose flour 1/2 cup whole milk 2 large eggs, lightly b
  • Murphy Pizza
    Murphy Pizza says #

Posted by on in Culture Blogs

A Modest Proposal


Face it, folks: there's strength in numbers. We need a term that includes us all.

Once “pagan” was our prime term of art, but since (like fractious adolescents) we tend to define ourselves by rebelling against what we're not, that simply doesn't work anymore.

So here's my suggestion.

I think that we need to take a page from the GLBTQI+ playbook.

(Interestingly, both “gay” and “queer,” originally intended as terms of inclusion, have since come to be used exclusively instead. Hai mai, it's nice to know that you're not alone in the world.)

We need to come up with a long, unwieldy, mysterious string of capital letters that's constantly bloating into a longer, more unwieldy, and ever more mysterious string of capital letters that never quite manages to resolve into a pronounceable acronym.

Of course, since—for all our egocentricity—we tend to have fragile egos, we need to be as inclusive as possible when we do this.

Let's see: Witch-Warlock-Wiccan-Pagan-Heathen-Druid-Reconstructionist-Polytheist....

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  • Arwen Lynch
    Arwen Lynch says #
    How about a nice short one like FD for Fucking Different?
  • Anthony Gresham
    Anthony Gresham says #
    Happy Pagan Bloggers we! Don't like what I write, then don't bother to read. So many posts out there to peruse, it's okay to pick
  • Meredith Everwhite
    Meredith Everwhite says #
    Despite what I think I'm detecting as a degree of sarcasm, at least on one subject here, I think "we" are all a little too varied
  • Murphy Pizza
    Murphy Pizza says #
    BWA HA HA!! *snort*..Hahahaha!! So true!

Posted by on in Culture Blogs
Do You Suffer from Premature Celebration?

AP: Minneapolis, MN

Are you thoroughly sick of Yule by the time the Solstice rolls around?

Does your Yule begin the day after Thanksgiving and end on December 22?

If so, you may be suffering from a condition known as Premature Celebration.

Premature Celebration—also known as Christmasitis—is a debilitating and virulently contagious disease endemic among Americans. Characterized by temporal dislocation, manic activity followed by depression, and elevated levels of cynicism, Premature Celebration instills in the sufferer an overwhelming need to transfer activities previously reserved for the holiday itself, such as parties and rituals, to the period before the holiday.

Such a transfer, of course, inevitably results in a sense of anomie, déja vu, and exhaustion by the time that the holiday itself rolls around. In the case of Yule, it means that there's simply nothing left to do by the time Yule actually comes, because you've already done it.

Experts, for the most part, agree that Premature Celebration has more or less destroyed Christmas as a religious holiday for many American Christians. Whether or not it will have the same destructive effect in the pagan community remains to be seen.

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  • Steven Posch
    Steven Posch says #
    Sounds exhausting. My Yule: Troll Night (13 nights before Midwinter's Eve), Mother Night (=Midwinter's Eve), Thirteen Days of Yul
  • Murphy Pizza
    Murphy Pizza says #
    Yule tree stays up till the 3 kings leave...damn autocorrect..
  • Murphy Pizza
    Murphy Pizza says #
    When I lived in the WI/IL stateline area, there were folks.who put up their Xmas lights after freakin Halloween... I grew up Medi

Posted by on in Culture Blogs
Dumber Than a Table

In the days of Bush One, there lived a bulldog named Mabel.

Even as bulldogs go, Mabel was not exactly, shall we say, the brightest candle on the altar.

And this was her song:

The Mabel Song (1)

(To the tune of: Dreidel)


I know a dog named Mabel:

she has a corkscrew tail.

She's dumber than a table,

but smarter than Dan Quayle.

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  • Steven Posch
    Steven Posch says #
    As always, Mabel tells it like it is. Thanks for channeling!
  • Carol P. Christ
    Carol P. Christ says #
    Dumb I am not Steve You're a snot. But she loves you anyway I am sure.

Posted by on in Culture Blogs
'I Hate America,' McConnell Admits

AP: Washington, D.C.

“I hate America,” Senator “Mitch” McConnell told Confederate Daily yesterday.

In a surprisingly candid interview, McConnell—senior senator from Kentucky (R) and Senate Majority leader since 2014—admitted to the largest online neo-Confederate journal that his entire political career has been, not only a sham, but a long-term political strategy to destroy the United States.

“My great-grandpappy fought and died to defend the right to own another human being,” he said. “In my family, we have long memories. Every single political decision that I've been part of making over the years has been intended to do maximum harm to the enemies of the Confederacy. Today I can say with pride that I've carried on great-grandpappy's fight, just in a different way.”

Long labelled an obstructionist, McConnell is perhaps best-known for his stonewalling of President Obama's candidate for the Supreme Court, an unprecedented action which opened the door for the appointment of arch-conservative Justice Neil Gorsuch. The recent decision of Justice Anthony Kennedy to retire virtually guarantees a second Trump appointee to the nation's highest Court.

“There's an incompetent in the White House, the Party of Lincoln is tearing itself to shreds, and we have a know-nothing, do-nothing Congress incapable of doing anything but tearing down what others have built. And now we've stacked the Supreme Court to guarantee injustice and civil unrest for the foreseeable future," he stated. "Yankee-killer that he was, great-grandpappy would be proud of me.”

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  • D’vorah K’lilah
    D’vorah K’lilah says #
    I fully believed every word! Was genuinely confused by the last two lines for a second there.
Researchers Warn of OES Danger to Pagan Elders

AP: Minneapolis, MN

University of Paganistan researchers released a report today warning of specific health risks affecting the pagan elder population.

Ossified Elder Syndrome (OES) is a condition known to affect certain pagans of the Baby Boom generation, although occasionally found among younger pagans as well.

The average OES sufferer figured everything out in 1972 and has seen no reason to reassess or reevaluate since then.

“That's dangerous in the long term,” said Dr. Tsemah Posner of Arkham University. “The pagan world has moved on since 1972.”

The newly-released 20-year study defines the condition as characterized by loss of flexibility, decreased cognitive function, and an inability to hear the voice of anyone under the age of 45.

Frequently accompanied by disorientation, unprovoked outbursts of anger, and loss of the ability to taste any flavor but bitter, OES can severely impact the quality of life of both the sufferer and those around him or her. It can, in rare cases, be fatal.

But the news is not all bad.

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  • Haley
    Haley says #

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