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Stolen Heart's Shadow

Glimpsed it just there in the small stream of sun

I am used to being busy (and as some may note, over reaching) having raised 5 children (under 5), High Priestessing a coven within my beloved Tradition, The assembly of the Sacred Wheel, a full time job, married 41 years (June 25th), and teaching multiple workshops and intensives throughout the year. I am not listing these things as a marker of what busy looks like for me, but hopefully as a barometer of why I (we) all need some time to look within.  

What I offer below is the result of my yearnings to retreat and what would inhabit this space outside of time, if it manifested as a true haven. You see, another large component of my retreat is the hunger for knowledge that can become wisdom. If you are familiar with the scene in Disney’s Beauty and the Beast where Belle is gifted the library by the beast- that is my haven. Books and time and reading and languishing in what I consume; sated and exhausted by my efforts.....

I didn’t just stop
to smell the lilacs
I sang to them too
praising their beauty
as I pressed my nose
into their blooms.

The air was full
of enchantment
as I delighted in the sunlight
filtered through new maple leaves
and scattered across stone.

I rolled redbud flowers
across my tongue
and ate dandelions straight
from the stem
feeling yellow petals
in my teeth.

I savored the flavor of a violet
and rubbed mint leaves
between my fingers
I crawled on my knees
through the clover
watched bees dance
on the dandelions
and found ginger
and elderberry beneath
my heels as I stretched
my arms into a tree branch
reaching for tender buds.

I gathered the blossoms
of springtime
kissed them with gratitude
and offered them into
the bubbles of water
from which rivers are born.

I let my fingers trail
through the wildness
within me and around me.
Then I lifted my lips
to my lover
under the
Beltane moon.

In his introduction the early Scots poet Gavin Douglas prefaces The Palis of Honoure by setting the scene in May. Getting ready to perform the observances of the season he wanders through 'a garding of plesance' -- that is, an enclosed garden. It is a joy to behold:

With Sole depaint, as Paradys amyable
And blisfull bewes with blomed variance

Part 1: The Question

It is October,
the veil is thin
the year is waning
the leaves are turning
I am trying to say goodbye
to my grandmother
she is dying.
I do not know what to say.

The test of any philosophy is how it helps you survive difficulty. It is simple enough to hold the line in good times, but when your misfortunes seem to know no end, your patience and perseverance were truly tested. The Anglo-Saxons had a trust in wyrd both as pagans and as Christians. The thought might best be summed up in the refrain from the poem Deor:

Þæs ofereode, þisses swa mæg.