I really wanted to believe in Twin Flames, when I first read about them, something inside of me settled, the part of me that remembers Home before incarnating resonated with the idea of a Twin Flame.
A Twin Flame is your other half, literally you are one half of a soul and your Twin Flame is your other half, together you complete each other. The story goes that once upon a time we were androgynous creatures, as life continued to unfold we split into two beings and from that moment on we seek out, or in the least, sense that we have an 'other' out there.
The difference between a soul mate and a Twin Flame is that there is only one Twin Flame and there are many soul mates, soul mates are from your spiritual family, the tribe that you incarnate with over and over again. I knew that this was true because I have three soul mates, my sisterfriends that I have had since childhood, one of them is a soul mate that is so deep we would have married if the other had been born the opposite sex, it's fortunate that we weren't as I would have missed out on meeting my Twin Flame.
When I met him, I knew, I knew at once that love at first sight was real, that Twin Flames were real and that regardless of how our life unfolded I would be okay for having met him. As a writer I love the power of the spoken and written word, this personal encounter, what meeting my Twin Flame was like is one of the few areas that I feel as though I fall short. Prior to meeting him I had had a lot of 'this is the one's' and I could have easily heard a story like mine and thought 'yes! that's this one' only to find a few months later, once the newness had dissipated that it wasn't 'this one', this would have left me wondering, "are there really Twin Flames?" So while it is hard to encapsulate what the experience of finally meeting my Twin Flame was I can offer a few memories that have always stuck with me.
The first is that I wasn't excited, I was in joy and at peace all at the same time. A self-confessed relationship junky, it was quite common for me to become all a jitter when I met a new potential mate and to wonder when I would see them next, if they would call, what our future would be like, in one sitting I could have us married with babies, with my Twin I felt as though every second was quenching a thirst deep within me that I didn't believe would ever be quenched until after leaving the body behind. I longed with all of my being to be with him and also believed that there was a very good chance that wouldn't happen in this lifetime. I knew that I had found my Twin Flame and I had read that most Twin Flame encounters were intense and brief, that usually both Flames weren't at the same place in soul development to sustain a relationship and some people even believe that you don't meet your Twin Flame until your final incarnation. There are times that I hope that this will be my final incarnation, however if finishing the reincarnation process is determined by levels of enlightenment I highly doubt I am close to finishing up this cycle of death and rebirth. I knew as I sat and talked with him that I was most likely going to repeat incarnation and I saw that the circumstances of our lives were quite stacked against us, we lived in different countries on different coasts and he was wrestling with some very deep and dark demons, demons that I had met and overcome years before.
And so, where I would normally have felt a manic need to control and plan I basked in the blessing at having met my Twin, I was overjoyed and surrendered. At the same time I began preparing for my human self to come in, I knew that she would, and she did, big time.
The two of us began a long distance relationship and the bliss of knowing that my Twin Flame was alive and well was overshadowed by the devastation of being separated by time and distance and the unknown. I was so shattered that I all but sabotaged any chance that we had to be, a few months in I had five days off of work, I booked a flight (an insanely impulsive move for me, I am quite frugal and planned) and went to see him, my plan was that I was going to be my most radiant, perfect expression of self, and on the last day, after meeting his friends and families and wowing them all I was going to break up with him, I figured that I could in the least be a lasting memory of what could have been, up until that point I had been behaving as nothing less than a basket case. This was my egotistical plan.
What happened was, that when I pretended to be free and happy the two of us were able to enjoy our visit, I became truly free and happy and we reconnected and it became clear to me, within my heart and soul that I was in, %100 until the very end, whether that be in a week or a month, I was going to see us through. From that point on we had a devastatingly sweet courtship, I flew him to see me every other month, our visits were all encompassing and full of passion and playfulness. I had always been so guarded about life and he reminded me to play and have fun. I would cry, openly weep and weep in his arms, rocked to the core that he was going to leave again and he would hold me, inside moved that anyone on earth could love him that much. I am not a crier, I wish I was, I love seeing the softer side of women and men who cry, I just seem to freeze up, but during this time I was an open well of tears.
Grace guided us, every night, with his permission I would light a candle and pray to the Goddess, I would connect to both of our spirit tribes and ask that they guide our steps, I would ask for the willingness to go to any lengths to be with him and for the willingness to let go if that be in our highest good. I asked for the doors to him living in my country to be opened or for me to be in his, if that was in alignment with the highest good.
The day that he immigrated to our country and crossed the country line in the airport I ran and jumped into his arms, just like in the movies and whispered to him "is it over?", "it's over," he assured me. What followed was nothing short of bliss, we had this sickeningly sweet habit in the daytime of calling out to one another "Honey," the other would answer "yes?" and the first would say "I'm at my zenith", life truly was like one long unending happily ever after. The Twin Flame challenge was over, grace had prevailed and living together and being together didn't get old.
I wish that was where our story ended, but it isn't. What came to follow was life, human realm life. I had ptsd, frozen, undiagnosed ptsd that I wasn't aware of, a year into our life after immigration and it unfroze and I froze. I couldn't feel my Twin Flame, I would see him beside me, see his tortured hazel eyes as he couldn't reach me and I felt nothing. He did everything for me, he cooked, cleaned, did the groceries, drove me around and snuggled me as I lie on the couch, deep in a well of darkness that I couldn't get myself out of. I spent the year in deep trauma therapy, shamanic work and support group connection, slowly I came out the other side, but something had changed. There was something about having been beside my Twin Flame but unable to access our love that had jaded me. Reconnecting to one another took dedication and faith, for a long time it was only the memory and the knowledge that he was my Twin that kept me walking forward.
After this time we got married and three days before our wedding I got pregnant, we were newlyweds preparing for our first child, he went to school and then 19 months after our daughter was born we moved across the country. Now we are floundering to find our roots in this new area, he is seeking out gainful employment and we are hunkered down at my parents house. Life is busy, stressful and very much concerned with the third dimension. Days go by where he works, we play with our daughter after work, I put her down and he falls asleep beside me as we watch a show. We yell at each other when the pressure gets high, we despair at times about what direction to take next. Sometimes he feels so much like an extension of me that I forget to observe him as my other.
After one particularly challenging weekend this past month I finally stopped, paused and went within, here beside me was the man that I had longed so fervently to have in my life for more than 14 consecutive days, he is my husband, the father of my child, the love of my life and I just couldn't access any of that. I began to wonder, what happens to the Twin Flames that stick it out, what happens to Happily Ever After, after?
I understand why writers create so many break ups in hit shows, besides the flare for the dramatic, it is hard to write about lasting passionate love without writing about what keeps the love going and that is an individual recipe and a mystery. Just because it is hard doesn't mean it is not possible. Here is what I have found, in order to keep the Twin Flame flame of our love activated, burning and as powerful as it was when we met I must make the memory of our first meeting a working part of my day. There are three tools that I have found simplify and focus the intention of keeping our flame alive that have been working for me, they are:
- Prioritize: I need to prioritize the truth of our love, not only spending time together, but connecting to the depths of our love before addressing our daily life duties and responsibilities. Abraham Hicks teaches me to get into the vortex before beginning any work, I need to jump into the vortex of our Twin Flame connection before we begin working on our life as a team.
- Trust, trust is a must in any relationship as far as I am concerned, the trust that I need in order to stay tuned into the high vibration of our love is the trust in the power of love. When we first fell in love people would remark about the two of us often, they would talk about what a 'good couple' we seemed to be or how 'well matched', people enjoyed being around us because the vibration of true love is pleasing. When I remember the power of being in the vortex of love I remember the power that him and I possess when we are connected as one. Which brings me to my other tool,
- Remember the power of oneness. Oneness is such a deep spiritual principle, I have only ever caught an intellectual experience of it up until meeting my husband. Once we met I 'got it' him and I literally were one, just in two different bodies. When I remember our Oneness stressful thoughts about who does what, how to work as a team and who is on the beam for the day fade away. As long as I take care of my side of the street we are good, we are one. I know that he does his spirit work and works hard for us, so this is easy for me to practice, but it is also necessary, each meditation I do is a meditation that lifts us both up, every laugh that I take, each moment I surrender we are both lightened and loosened.
When I stick to these three simple reminders, to prioritize our love above the demands of third dimensional living, to trust the power of love to raise our vibration into an experience that sustains and fulfills us and to remember the power that we possess when consciously experiencing our merged oneness I am able to live in our Twin Flame love as if it were the first day all over again.
Life is wobbly for me right now. We are finding our legs in this new land. We are seeking out ways to live our vision in new territory. I am relearning how to co-habitate with my parents while we find our way. I do not feel settled yet. What I do have is contrast, a deep, soul wrenching contrast and this contrast is compelling me to reach deep within, to find my own centre of grounded faith. My faith in the Creator falters very little, my faith in my marriage and in the blessing that the two of us are together is being strengthened in the midst of this uncertainty.
My intention of marrying my Twin Flame was to commit to love him as the perfect expression of God and he me as the perfect expression of Goddess every day for the rest of our lives. To see his perfection behind the illusion of his human falterings and in this learning to be able to better love the world. That mission statement is one that uplifts all.
Beyond what the world gains from Twin Flame love lasting is the very personal gain that I receive, a place of warmth, joy and passion that weathers the storms of life's ups and downs and an experience of the other realm in the flesh, for Twin Flame love is magical and not of this world.
Twin Flame love is one of many ways to tap into these higher vibrations, there are many others that do not require a merging of two people, the Twin Flame path is one that I am on and one that I am continuing to learn about as I walk side by side with my other. To all of the light workers, to all of those Preistessing a new reality on Earth I bow to you and give my thanks, your walk lifts me up. To all of the Twin Flames that have stayed past the initial passionate ignition I honour and give thanks for your love, as we find our other and merge ourselves we become a stronger force for love, light and joy unto the world.
Whatever your experience, we are all one and we are all walking closer to a collective merging into one great Flame of love united.
Grace Be With You,
Priestess of Grace,
Candise Soaring Butterfly
artist : Josephine Wall