I live in Paradise. Or at least, some people’s version of Paradise. I’m also a long-time Tori Amos fan, as I’m sure some of you gentle readers have already divined by the amount of her work on my blog. I love her for many reasons, among them that she’s unapologetic about her spirituality, her beauty, and her sexuality. And like me, she is also a rape survivor. In many ways, that in particular fascinates me because she seems less hindered by her assault than I am in terms of being willing or able to express desire. I had a lover ask me once what I wanted, and I was at a loss to express anything in particular, in no small part because asking for it seems Dangerous with a capital D.
And I’m not the only One aware of this problem – recently, Loki specifically asked me to tell Him what I wanted. Again, I don’t know. I’m always happy to try things, but I don’t ask or initiate, because I’ve been shamed into not wanting to express any sort of desire. Again, asking for it is, well, asking for it. Given the fact that I write romance, I’m sure that sound strange, but in essence, it’s Not Me enough to be Another Girl’s Paradise, and I can enjoy it, express myself.
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I so relate to this! I've never heard this song (I mostly listen to filk and old folk music) but I find myself nodding at all thes
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I, too, am a huge Tori fan and have a difficult time asking for what I want. Thanks for the reminder that I can, and the inspiring