
Reader warning: Sexually explicit material
Did you know that masturbation was the gift of a god?
Well, you'd probably already figured that out for yourself. But the Greeks, of course, had a story.
Yes, it was Pan that invented it, along with music. He gave them both as gifts to his votaries the shepherds, to help pass the time up in the pastures.
Music and masturbation, both. Praise be to Pan!
Then there's the dildo; that's also the gift of a god. (The word itself comes from Italian diletto, “delight”; did you know that?) Which god? Well, Dionysos, of course.
Here's the story.
Dionysos needed to descend into the Underworld, but he didn't know how to get there. (I think it was to consult with his dead mother, but that's by the by.) When he asks around, they tell him that the only one who knows where to find the entrance to the Underworld is a certain grizzled old shepherd. (If I were a master-poet, now, I'd know the guy's name, but me, I'm just a two-bit storyteller.) So pretty young Dionysos goes to the old shepherd's bothy.
Sure, I'll tell you how to get there, says the shepherd. But first I want that sweet, dimpled little butt of yours.