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Miss Squeak grew up in a house of many cats, and all of them picked on her. When she first came to live with me, you could see the incredulity on her face: You mean I can just lay down anywhere, and nobody will try to jump me?

With such a background, Squeak didn't like to be held. That was OK with me; she was plenty affectionate in other ways.

Then, about a year and a half ago, as I was laying on my bed one day, reading—the sleep hygienists all say you shouldn't, I know—she hopped up on the bed and stretched out on my chest.

Here I am, she said, looking me in the eye.

And that was that. Since then, she's even taken to climbing up on my lap, the ultimate act of feline trust: Squeak, the cat that didn't like to be held.

On her last night, when I got home from work I found that she'd curled up on the pillow on my bed. Well, everyone has the right to die where they want to.

Although by that point moving was difficult for her, when I woke in the middle of the night I found that she had crawled under the covers and snugged up to me: the primal mammalian comfort of skin-to-skin contact that, in the end, is maybe the best giving that we have to offer one another.

So the cat that everyone picked on managed to find a territory of her own, and someone to snug up to. There are worse lives to be had.

The last time my mom ever sat on the back porch, enjoying the sunshine, she said she wanted to have her ashes scattered by the cat graves so she could see Beni one more time after she dies. A few minutes later, she saw him. Or at least, she saw a cat that looked like him.

Mom had just switched from oncology care to hospice care. She had previously said she wanted her ashes scattered other places, including a specific park in Sonoma where we used to live, and a park here in Henderson with a memorial tree, and the redwoods in California, and up on Mt. Charleston. She was looking at the part of the yard we call the Shadow Garden, after the first cat buried there, when she made this statement, so I wasn't sure if it might just be a passing fancy. But I was sure she really wanted to see Beni-Wan Cat-Obi again, another of the cats buried there. She often said he had been her favorite cat.

One week from today begins the long-anticipated eighth and final season of Game of Thrones. Meanwhile, back in Westeros...

Game of Claws

Rudum, he's a Rudum, he's a Rudum, he's a Rudum

he's a Rudum, he's a Rudum, he's a Rudum, he's a Rudum

There's a kitty-cat,

so dumb and...

Rudum, he's a Rudum, he's a Rudum, he's a Rudum

Inner-city cat,

so dumb and...

Rudum, he's a Rudum, he's a Rudum, he's a Rudum

Name of Rudycat,

so dumb and...

Rudum, he's a Rudum, he's a Rudum, he's a Rudum

Tootie-fruitie cat,

so dumb and...

Rudum, he's a Rudum, he's a Rudum, he's a Rudum

Evil, stinky son of Binky,

so dumb and...

Rudum, he's a Rudum, he's a Rudum, he's a Rudum

Brainless libido in a tuxedo,

so dumb and...

Rudum, he's a Rudum, he's a Rudum, he's a Rudum

He's a Rude.

Tune: Game of Thrones Theme (Ramin Djawadi)

Photo: Paul B. Rucker

Dreams can take you to heaven and drag you through all the levels of hell.  They can help you solve problems and relieve stress.  In dreams, you can be anyone and do anything regardless of any limitations you have in the physical world.  You can meet anyone or anything.  In dreams our guides come to us to assist with life’s difficulties.

As a child, I’d often have nightmares, even though I shared a room with two sisters.  At some point a black panther began appearing in my nightmares.  You would think this fierce hunter would frighten a child even more but I always drew comfort from the black panther.  Each time she appeared in my dreams, I knew I could change the dream to be something better than the nightmare.  I knew whatever was scaring me I had a choice to let it scare me or I could overcome it. 

I just got off the phone after talking with my spiritual mentor. We discussed the importance of creativity, but mostly other very heavy topics. It was challenging, though she's kind and gentle.

What made it terrifying was that, after facing some ways I defeat myself, I phoned her to discuss them with her. Though they're nothing shocking, it can be scary to disclose one's faults, no matter how humdrum and unremarkable the faults or how nice the person to whom one is speaking. 

They say that long ago, before things were as they are today, the Moon fell in love with her brother.

She tried everything she could think of to get into his bed, but he was having none of it. Only Cat shared his bed, no one else.

So Moon goes to Cat one day and says: Cat, trade shapes with me.

And Cat, being Cat, says: What's in it for me?

Says Moon: Someday I shall bear a great many children, and my children will always make a place for you at their hearths.

And Cat, being Cat, says: What else?