I am used to being busy (and as some may note, over reaching) having raised 5 children (under 5), High Priestessing a coven within my beloved Tradition, The assembly of the Sacred Wheel, a full time job, married 41 years (June 25th), and teaching multiple workshops and intensives throughout the year. I am not listing these things as a marker of what busy looks like for me, but hopefully as a barometer of why I (we) all need some time to look within.  

What I offer below is the result of my yearnings to retreat and what would inhabit this space outside of time, if it manifested as a true haven. You see, another large component of my retreat is the hunger for knowledge that can become wisdom. If you are familiar with the scene in Disney’s Beauty and the Beast where Belle is gifted the library by the beast- that is my haven. Books and time and reading and languishing in what I consume; sated and exhausted by my efforts.....

 

I sat alone within the walls I had built

Content, secure and at peace with the world.

 

I breathed the air of my own solemn exhalation

Feeling quite at home in this place of retreat.

 

Books lined shelves and whispered their tales as I slept

The rapture of each one’s journey my food and sustenance.

 

Night and day wove one into the other seamlessly and

This shroud of mystery held me willingly in its grasp.

 

Days and years passed without a nod of recognition

So enthralled was I by the seeking of knowledge arcane.

 

All that I had drawn into myself and sought to claim

Was etched by life’s sculpting upon the walls I had built.

 

Faces looking out with watchful and soul-filled lonely eye seeking

Others to break the spell and knock upon the door of my sanctuary.

 

All that I had drawn into myself and sought to claim now cried

Out in loneliness as the memory of my place in the world took hold.

 

I breathed out a sigh of exhalation as I waited in silence

Now assured in the fear that none other would come near.

 

I breathed out in surrender to my self designed fate

That had caused me to forget the simple joys of the mundane.

 

In the quiet return of inhaled breath a gentle knocking

Echoed within the walls I had built and upon my door.

 

I stood quite still so startled was I that one would come so near

I stood quite still excited by the sound that spoke of one so near.

 

Who’s there?…. 

I called out barely able to breathe barely able to move

 

Who’s there?…. 

I called once again as I trembled at the thought of another so near.

 

The door I had so skillfully hid myself behind

Gently opened by purposeful unseen hand

Light flooded in and the fragrant air of an 

Uncaring world I had left behind filled me.

 

My eyes now opened from the long slumber 

Of one who found sanctuary in planned retreat

As the spell of willing recluse and Hermit’s 

Cloying hand now loosened their hold.

 

 The insistent heartbeat of a human life 

And all of the joys and pleasures it held

Knocked upon those doors that kept me hidden

And in response to the hope-filled query of 

“Who’s There” I breathe out in exhalation…

 

I Am!

The one who is content,

Secure and at peace in the world!

 

The reminder here is that retreat and Hermiting are necessary parts of spiritual growth, but so is the visceral world that calls you back into grace within your manifest form. This is the alchemy of true change and how you answer the call is of your choosing. 

After I wrote the piece above, I sat for some time in a quiet space in my home and called out to the Gods and Goddesses who have heralded the many changes in me on this path of Service I have chosen. Each in turn presented and to each in turn I shared a bit of the wisdom I had culled from my time of retreat and the knowledge gained. When all was complete, I truly felt more a part of this world and content in my place within it. 

 

Image Credit: Matthew Stewart 

Excerpt from Magickal Verse  First Edition Feb. 2018 by R. Fennelly