Silence is a paradox. It can be vast and liberating while equally suffocating and halting. Silence can afford growth in confidence or it can paralyze with insecurity.
I’ve written nothing for this blog since last November despite gentle nudges from several trusted people. I’ve held silence in its many forms and feel ready to let it go. Why? It is simply time.
Women have been gathering every month around the full moon at my farm for 19 months. When last I wrote, our Full Moon Goddess group wasn’t yet a year old. I look back at my silence and realize I was insecure—questioning if I was equal to the task. Wondering if what I had to share would reach receptive ears. Waiting for the novelty of the gathering to fade. It hasn’t. We’ve ballooned. Still, I’ve remained silent gaining confidence in my place as our group’s leader.
Women are excited, enthusiastic, and terrified. We gather in the Spirit of Goddess—the Feminine Divine within each of us—something I suspect many of you know and embrace while being a concept others grapple fiercely to understand. We Goddess Speak, as I like to say, which simply means that we fearlessly give voice to what inhibits our ability to connect to the Great Goddess Inner Being despite being afraid of the conditioned worries of judgment, weakness, guilt, and shame. I often make references to the Way of the Goddess, which is not the way of women. As women, we react to conditioning. As Goddesses, we work through the conditioning, breaking it apart one vulnerable piece at a time.
Over the last 19 months there are three sentiments that women have consistently shared with me. The preface is often the same—some version of, More women need this to which I always ask, What is it about this gathering that you sense women need? The responses always have to do with one of the following;
I feel safe here. I feel like I can be vulnerable and no one will judge me. I feel completely accepted.
It is humbling to acknowledge the ways women feel in their communities and in society in general. They do not feel safe. Vulnerability is still taboo. Acceptance remains elusive. Intellectually we know this. Emotionally we struggle to resolve it. Women cannot fully embrace their divinity as a result of this cognitive dissonance—the conflict of what we know but how we feel.
Gathering to practice the Way of the Goddess is the first step to unlearning the dis-ease of silence, which perpetuates the conflict between the intellectual and emotional self. Women are learning to share their thoughts out loud lessening the power of the rambling mind to manipulate, reconfigure, or allow the unhealthy ego it’s incessant vying for control. Women are learning the power of mindful presence and authentic listening, which are essential elements in creating a safe sacred space for sharing.
I am learning leadership—to stand tall in clarity even after I fumble terrifically. My greatest lesson, however, has been to foster Goddess Speak because like so many women I cannot be silent anymore.