Sedna’s Daughters: Healing from Family Estrangement

Families in patriarchal cultures often mete out similar types of domination and oppression on their daughters that women experience in the larger world. For many daughters (and sons/trans/genderqueer folks), this includes scapegoating and rejection. Sedna’s Daughters provides a safe space for discussion on earth-based, spiritual approaches to healing from the confusing experience of family estrangement and recognizes all people's inherent belonging to Mother Earth, the human family, and the cosmos.

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Honoring Our Greater Mother this May 13

Posted by on in SageWoman Blogs

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"You are Mine. You have always belonged to Me. Take my hand, Beloved Daughter."

In the United States, the annual celebration of Mother's Day is Sunday, May 13. For many people, this is merely a socially-fabricated holiday with strong consumer undertones that they would prefer to disregard, even if they have a solid relationship with their biological and/or adoptive mothers. For Moms with children, the day is a pleasure, of course, if those relationships are intact and flourishing. All that notwithstanding, for daughters struggling deeply with unresolved mother issues, the annual Mother's Day holiday can feel like a day of wearing emotional sandpaper close to the skin. For daughters who are estranged from their mothers or who have been outright shunned by them, no matter how much we would like to ignore this day it glowers at us nevertheless. For us, there is no mother in our lives to celebrate and, most likely, what we had with her is far from celebratory memories. For daughters like us, the day seems to belong to other women, honoring a type of happiness that we do not have access to, that we do not belong with. This can be more painful than we care to admit. Denying and hiding from feelings really doesn't work, however, so re-casting the whole mother's day story on our own terms can open up a new road to deepen our healing.

I would like to suggest that there are actually many things to celebrate on Mother's Day that are far beyond our mere human mother and the commercialism of the holiday. Each one of us comes from a Greater Mother, an Eternal Mother, who denies no one. She is flowing in with our breath at this very moment, pulsing in the food we eat every day, is coursing through our veins, and our DNA is encoded with Her love. She is Mother of the Wheeling Stars and Mother of this Holy Earth. She is your mother and my mother: available, alive, and tangible. She is present in every civilization's ancient creation story.

The upcoming Mother's Day weekend might be an opportunity for you to begin a new, or deepening your, relationship with this Sacred Mother. In doing so, your own sacredness will arise. Most current world orders are extremely hard on women, the targets of patriarchal hate, and our mothers carried those violent wounds, enacting them eventually on us, their daughters. They are still responsible, of course, but the legacy of intergenerational breaks, violence, devastation, and loss can stop with us, the daughters who survived.

Let's reach back beyond our human mother's legacy and touch the Sacred Mother.

She knows us. She saw what happened.

No matter where you are on your journey with the relationship you had, or still have (even if it is just in your memory), with your mother, there is the opportunity within yourself for profound healing: healing for you, and for your mother, even if you never see her again. The unbreakable bond we have to the Greater Mother not only can heal us, but help us release the past, setting us free.

Mother's Day Prayer

Sacred Mother of us All

You who has seen all and knows all I have experienced with my human mother, help me now to see that I am part of You and am ever supported in that unbreakable bond. Within the wisdom of your presence, I know the wounds I bear are redeemed without the need to understand what can never be put into human words. Continue walking with me on this journey as I fully recover what I once believed was lost forever: being a precious daughter who is respected, honored, and loved. Today I celebrate you and every woman on Mother Earth.

What I say is true.

If it feels right to you, you can say this prayer for your mother as well and for your grandmothers, all women who may also not have been "precious daughters" to their mothers. We all have the power to break the cycle of abuse that comes through magnanimous acts of love.

This mother's day, do something good for yourself that affirms how you want to be treated, how you want to live this wonderful life you have been given. Our precious mothers could not fulfill their promises to us, but we can still fulfill the promises to ourselves. Our Greater Mother will help us realize those promises of love and dignity--just take Her hands.

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I have a Ph.D., am a victim's advocate, college-level educator, and was shunned by my maternal biological kin and their family friends over a decade ago. I have built an international community of daughters (and sons) committed to supporting one another and thriving despite the aggression of our relatives. “Sedna” is the EuroAmerican name of a revered Inuit Creatrix who was violently rejected by her parents and cast into the sea to die, but instead survived to create otters, seals, and whales.  Sedna is also the name of a star just appearing in the farthest reaches of our solar system and discovered by astronomers on November 14, 2003. Nick Anthony Fiorenza writes that "Sedna's message here is that humanity must recognize the truth about the suppression, persecution, abduction and exploitation of the feminine force in the world; and this mentality perpetuating such must be addressed and changed." Healing women is my life's work. See my Facebook Page at https://www.facebook.com/SednasD/

Comments

  • Anne Newkirk Niven
    Anne Newkirk Niven Thursday, 10 May 2018

    Thank you so much for your wise words. My relationship with my mother was always fraught due to her brokenness and mental illness that I tried, but (since most of our time together I was a child) could never heal. My mother died 30 years ago this June, but I still ponder what I could have done better. Your words are a solace to me as I approach this Mother's Day. (I will be spending that day blessed with the presence of my three sons.)

  • Sedna
    Sedna Thursday, 10 May 2018

    Thank you for commenting, Anne. We daughters so often try very hard to connect with our mothers who are unable, for complex reasons, to be present and available for us, and because our attempts (at any age!) are so often unfruitful and impossible, it can be very painful. Thankfully, we can continue to heal those broken bonds despite a mother's absence. May you feel supported and loved by your family, community, and the Divine Mother this year as you once again note the passing of your mother... and know that the Sedna's Daughters community is an on-going source of support for all the seasons of your grief. So glad your sons will be a loving mirror to you this weekend!

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