I’ve repeatedly run into wheel of the year narratives that encourage us to align our lives with the sun’s cycle. This, we are told, is more natural. We should dream and hibernate in the depths of winter, plant the seeds for our projects in the spring, watch them grow through the summer and take our harvest in the autumn. Never mind that many projects are not shaped like growing grain in the first place.
What do you do if the winter is a depressing time? What do you do if you need the warmth and comfort of sunny days to do your dreaming and planning? What do you do if you work best in the winter, locked away from the world? If your nature doesn’t align you to the solar wheel, how can forcing yourself to fit with it be natural?
For some people, depression is a seasonal activity, and it means you have to do all the stages of a thing in the bright half of the year. For some of us the monthly hormonal cycle can produce low phases that impact on what we can do. For some of us, depression has its own ebbs and flows that bear no resemblance to any other tide. When you can work, and when you can’t will depend on these factors.
If you’re depressed, then hearing that you’re supposed to be at an energy peak around midsummer can just add to the misery. It can increase the feeling of failure, of disengagement from the world, of not being a good enough Pagan. A wheel of the year that focuses on celebrating can be punishing if you live in the bottom of a hole and have no innate joy.
Nature is what we’ve got. It’s what we live, day to day. For some of us, what nature has provided is despair. For some of us it’s the body that can’t get out and dance with the spirit of any season. Any dogmatic narrative about how we’re supposed to engage with the seasons can be toxic to people who just can’t bend themselves into that shape. It’s not ok to Pagan-shame anyone who can’t work on these terms.
If you’re struggling with sun cycles, energy levels and how to fit into the wheel of the year narrative, I hope what I’ve said helps you put it down and explore more widely. Nature has far more stories in it than just those of sun and grain.