I had mentioned in my last blog post that would be pulling one rune a week to learn more about them.  My first rune was Perthro, Peorth.  A rune of mystery and change.  Which was the perfect rune to begin with, I was starting out learning and studying the mysteries of these runes.  It was a beginning for me, a beginning full of mystery. 

As I learned when I pulled my second rune, Ingwaz, Ing, they were telling me something about my life now.  As I have been spending so much time in training for my job, and spending weeks alone in a small apartment away from my family, they were telling me, reinforcing in a way, that this was the perfect path that I should be on.  As I am evolving in my job position, I am constantly questioning if I am on the correct path.  These runes have been telling me that I am.  That over this time from the first of the year, that all the questioning, second guessing, and just plain beating myself up for simply not knowing, was a growth to a better, more confident person.

I had to change if I wanted to continue with my current position.  All that I was trained to do up to that point was for a different position, a different way of life.  Once gaining a new position, one of instruction rather than doing, I was set off balance.  Not to mention that I was thrown directly into my new position without getting the proper training that I needed to complete this transition.  I started to feel as though I was spiraling in a direction that only would cause me to lose my job and go back to the old office me.  Not that I didn’t make good money or have good jobs, I had just been hoping for a break, an opportunity to do something better for my family than what I already was doing.  I was tired of struggling, yet there was part of me that was apprehensive of change.

I was offered 12 weeks to shadow, teach and train at the main campus.  This would mean 12 weeks away from my family.  I had never been away from them save for when I was in the hospital delivering them.  I was always the constant, always there, I was the mom.  The other fearful part, if I did not do everything they wanted me to do, make the changes that they needed me to make, I would not have my job at the end of the 12 weeks.  They would have someone shadow me to assure the administration that I was making these changes.  One wrong word was all it would take.  I was afraid, what if that person didn’t like me, what if our personalities didn’t match?  Heck, there’s no pressure here.

 The week before I started to pull the runes, I was still questioning myself, beating myself up for so much that I didn’t know.  No one told me, no one guided me.  I felt as though I was cheated and thrown to the wolves.  The day before I decided to start pulling and studying runes, I was told that I was doing a good job.  I was hesitant to be elated – I’ve had the rug pulled out from under me before.  Trust is a hard factor in my life.  I have trusted many only to have that trust broken.

When I pulled Perthro, I didn’t fully understand what it was trying to tell me.  As I meditated through the week, I realized that it was summing up my time up to this point.  A time that started out with mystery of the unknown, a guessing game of my life as I moved forward.  I left everything to fate, believing that that tricky little sprite would not fail me.  So far, as I had realized, she hadn’t.

Then, once understanding this, I kept Perthro out of my bag and asked it to guide my hand to the next rune.  I pulled Ingwaz.  This was my seed, the spark that I needed to move forward with trust.  Once I opened myself to this, I noticed that I had more and more confirmations at work that I was on the right path, doing what I needed to do to grow and become a better employee.  I know that my life should not be so concerned with how good of an employee I am, but quite frankly, without a job we have not income.  I don’t think that in this economic time, I can risk that. 

But it not only did it help me see the confirmation that I needed, it showed me that within all that I am doing, I have a treasure to discover as well.  A treasure that shows me that I can be a stronger person, that I can let my intelligence show (I was told once not to show too many people how much I knew or I will be coerced into doing more work outside of my job title), and able to show some of my true personality – you know, relax a bit and enjoy the journey, laugh, learn, experience.  Let some of my guard down and not be so reserved.

Tonight is the dark moon, I will pull my next rune tonight.  I wonder what they will tell me.  I will share in a couple weeks.