The last few weeks have been particularly difficult for a number of reasons. I generally write on broader topics, and this is no exception, but there is a crucial personal thread in this tapestry.

This week I stumbled on two posts I will share that resonated with me. One has to do specifically with the energies of the full moon we just experienced, and the other focuses on the idea of karmic contracts:

http://bairaveebalasubramaniam.com/2016/02/23/nessus-hylonome-phaethons-lessons-during-the-virgo-full-moon-22-2-2016/

http://bairaveebalasubramaniam.com/2016/02/28/fatal-attractions-cycles-of-pain-and-the-karmic-choices-we-make/

There are times in my life where I stop and reflect on the larger themes of trauma and old wounds--how those two ideas shape our experiences and lead to conscious and subconscious patterns of behavior. I realize I am not alone in this physical and emotional space, and that the ripples of one event set off chains of events in myriads of different ways, effecting countless others in their own journey. There are days where I cannot stop the relentless feeling of hopelessness that accompanies knowing pain is an inevitable choice no matter what. Except, in my worldview there is free will. It is a strange dance between predestination, soul contracts, and free will, but it works:

"Whether it's the past-life trauma of being sacrificed or persecuted, or wounds that surround any kind of recurring lesson surrounding pain--taking a step back to understand why you may be making those choices does help. It stops you from feeling like the Universe hates you, or as though you are some pawn of Fate, moving without your own fee will."

I am not perfect. I am constantly striving to understand the intricate mysteries that surround us and connect us and tear us apart. But that I know is my choice. And I find comfort in that.

-Denora