Spring!  A relief from the winter cold, snow, and the introspective time of assessing where I am and what I need to do next.  It’s about new beginnings and a fresh start.  I’m sitting here laughing about this because here in Wisconsin we have four inches (more in some places) of snow on the ground.  It is still snowing and they said it was supposed to stop by 8 this morning.  We’re two hours past that. 

Spring equinox is all about renewal, rebirth, coming alive again after the winter.  The Persephone / Demeter story is one of the myths which is prominent for this time of year.  Persephone returns to her mother and Demeter comes back to life with the return of her daughter. 

The spring equinox is a time when day and night are equal, in balance.  There are only two times in the year when day and night are in balance.  I think this is a lesson for me.  I am always trying to balance out how much time I spend on different things. 

I have a variety of roles – mother, writer, wife, daughter, sister, worker, and I’m sure I’m forgetting others.  I juggle these roles.  There are times I grumble because my family makes demands on me when I want to be writing or crocheting or focusing on other things.  I always seem to be letting something fall by the wayside.

Maybe the lesson for me this spring is that it is okay for me to be out of balance so long as I strive for it while I walk my path.  I don’t have time for rituals and ceremony right now.  That doesn’t mean I’ve given up on my spiritual path.  It means I’m busy – like everyone else.  My ceremony for Ostara this year was to spend the day in my recliner coping with a flare of gout.  I worked on editing and writing.  The balance I worked on – balancing while trying to walk on legs filled with pain. 

Normally I like to take the natural route but when I’m in this much pain, I give up and say give me anything that will work.  Gout – considered for many years to be the result of over indulgence is actually arthritis that occurs when the kidneys (I think) produces too much uric acid. 

The balance of chemicals in my body, produced by my body, is out of whack (like me I guess).  The only way to bring it back into balance – meds. 

As for the snow today, perhaps it is Mother Earth’s way of saying it may be spring, the day and night may have been in balance but winter isn’t done, we haven’t looked within enough.  Or maybe it’s just Wisconsin having more oddball weather like always.

Over the winter, I’ve looked within to see what changes I need to make.  I didn’t see any big ones.  I had no giant life changing revelations.  What does this mean for spring?  What new beginnings am I supposed to embrace? 

I’m coming up shortly on the anniversary of my first book being published.  It was stressful to take that leap of faith to self publish after years of trying the traditional route.  My fresh start for spring – keep going.  I have so many stories in my head, I just want to get them all down and share them. 

As for the balance I’m always chasing, I think I’m getting better at it.  I used to feel so overwhelmed I needed days on my own to recover my energy.  Now, I don’t need that.  I enjoy the time I spend with my family (mostly) while I balance out my need to work on writing, crocheting, and my life. 

My daughters are all adults.  For a lot of women, the loss of being a mother is a difficult time.  For me it wasn’t a loss.  I’ll always be their mother.  I’m just in a different role.  I don’t have to teach them right from wrong, make sure their doing their homework or whatever.  I have to be there as an advisor, friend, and loving support.  This change in role is refreshing and joyful for me. 

My fresh start, my renewal this spring – my renewal is a renewal of commitment to me.  To what I need to get done, to what is important to me, to being there in the ways I am comfortable with rather than trying to be smashed into the ways others think I should be.  This is the phase I’m at in my life and it brings me joy to create in my way and move forward on my path. 

I don’t need a ritual of rebirth to know this is the right way to do things for me.  I am solitary and this is my way, the right way for me.  It isn’t a commentary on anyone else’s way of doing things and that is actually one of the best part of it.