Solitary: A Self-Directed Spiritual Life

Let's talk. Come sit with me under a tree or by a lake while we chat about being alone in our practice and our beliefs. Solitary practitioners choose this path for many reasons and have a unique perspective. As a solitary witch, I want to share how I keep true to my beliefs and practices whether I'm working on my own, in a small group or attending a large group gathering. Author of Moon Affirmations, meditations based on the phase of the moon.

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Whenever I’ve gone to a quiet place in my head, it’s been the same.  I find myself on a path in the woods.  It’s always fall and always leads to a pool with a waterfall.  There’s a stone there large enough for me to sit on or lean against.  For years when I sought out a quiet, centered place in my mind, inevitably this is where I’d end up.  I could feel the crisp coolness of the autumn day, smell the fresh air with a hint of drying corn (yes I grew up on a farm where we did this), and feel the bite of winter.

The other night when I sought out my center, my balance.  I didn’t go there.  I tried.  I was tired, wanted to destress and wanted the familiar and the comfortable of this scene.  My mind didn’t go there.  Even when I tried to visualize it, I couldn’t find it.  It was like a door closed in my mind.


My first reaction was annoyance and frustration.  It had been a rough day at work and I wanted to take a few minutes to smooth out the rough edges.  I was trying to release some tension and stress in order to sleep.  When I couldn’t go to my familiar place, I grew increasingly annoyed and almost angry I couldn’t get to my center place. 


I asked, where is my center?  I heard a laugh, deep and knowing.  Darkness surrounded me, though not in a frightening way.  It felt warm, welcoming and comfortable.  I think this was one of my dragons.  They come and go as I need them.  I rested in the darkness, leaning on the large black being.  Nothing floated through my head.  I could see nothing.  I felt safe, comfortable, and protected.  I don’t remember much because once I let go of my expectation of the usual scene.  I found the peace I wanted and relaxed enough to sleep.


It reminded me to not have expectations when I meditate.  It reminded me I’m always evolving and changing – whether I want to or not.  The fall scene is one of my favorites.  I love playing in the leaves, feeling the crispness of autumn.  It’s my favorite season.  Yet, I can’t linger there as this meditation proved to me. 


It’s a lovely place, but not always where I need to be.  I have to keep my mind and heart open so other places of balance can come to me.  If I stay stagnant with the usual scene, I may get some relief from my stress but will it help me grow and keep balanced?  Probably not.


I’ll be testing out this new center.  I’m not sure it will come back.  What I am sure of is I need to be open to whatever happens when I seek out my balanced and centered place.  The more open I am the more likely I am to experience a true awakening rather than being stuck in a groove of comfortable.


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As a solitary, I consider myself a pagan witch who is seeking. Residing in rural Wisconsin, by day I work as a clerical worker and at night I spend my spare time writing. Writing is my way of expressing my feelings about my world and life. Raised on a farm, I have a love for nature and am inspired by the beauty and power I find there. I've been married for 33 years and have three adult daughters. Some of my other interests include cooking, genealogy, reading and crocheting.  
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