Paganistan: Notes from the Secret Commonwealth
In Which One Midwest Man-in-Black Confers, Converses & Otherwise Hob-Nobs with his Fellow Hob-Men (& -Women) Concerning the Sundry Ways of the Famed but Ill-Starred Tribe of Witches.
The Most Famous Philosopher You've Never Heard Of
"An Outstanding Mediocrity"
A near-contemporary of Plato, Mediocrates was a fourth-century BCE Athenian philosopher best-known for his controversial teaching that one should avoid all extremes.
Mediocrates apparently taught that a balanced life requires conscious effort to avoid standing out from the norm: in fact, the deliberate avoidance of all extremes, even extremes of virtue. In this, he differs from virtually all of his contemporaries, from whom the pursuit of aretê, “excellence”, was the ultimate goal of life.
For his doctrine of deliberate non-striving, he came to be known as the “Philosopher of the Middle”; indeed, his very name itself may be translated “halfway up the mountain.”
If Mediocrates wrote down his teachings, none of his writings have survived. He is, however, credited with originating a number of common sayings, including “Keep your head down,” “Just go with the flow, man (voc. ἄνερ, áner),” and "The higher up the tree the monkey goes, the more of its bottom you see."
According to the only known story about Mediocrates, a student of Aristotle once quoted him in the course of a debate.
“Who?” replied Aristotle.
More than 2300 years after this bit of horizontal bitchery, the Philosopher of the Middle—recently called the “patron saint of slackers”—still numbers both disciples and namesakes all around the world: truly an outstanding mediocrity.
Whether or not this paradoxical status would have pleased him, it is difficult to say.
Satire, folks. It's satire.
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