Paganistan: Notes from the Secret Commonwealth
In Which One Midwest Man-in-Black Confers, Converses & Otherwise Hob-Nobs with his Fellow Hob-Men (& -Women) Concerning the Sundry Ways of the Famed but Ill-Starred Tribe of Witches.
My First Hex
My very first spell was a hex.
Unfortunately, it worked.
I was 13 or 14, new to these things. I'd worked hard to dig and plant that herb garden. When a neighborhood dog—an overgrown puppy, really—dug it up and destroyed the plants, I was furious. The adults around me basically laughed it off. Dogs will be dogs, and adolescent boys should care about sports, not flowers.
The next time I saw the dog frisking around with its owner, something inside me exploded. I took all that anger and all that hurt, packed it together into a fireball as dark and dense as a neutron star, and hurled it at that dog with everything I had.
The next day it was hit by a car and killed.
Actions have consequences. That little girl's anguish haunts me to this day.
Whether my magic had anything to do with her pet's death or not, I don't know. Frankly, I doubt it. But it might as well have done.
The power to blast is a terrible gift, not to be used lightly. If you can't say, I accept the consequences, you shouldn't even be considering such an act.
So, I learned my lesson, if at someone else's expense. In the course of my magical career, I have hexed maybe a handful of times, when it seemed to me justified, and there were no other options available. To this day, I'll stand by all the rest of them as needfully done.
But that first curse I still regret.
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I feel that I understand what you mean. With almost 11 years of practice now, I've only ever hexed once... and it worked much more thoroughly than expected. Like you mentioned, what came next may have been from my action or not, but it doesn't matter since my intent came to pass exactly as I desired. I still feel it was just and right action, but the fact that it was done once and I know I can do it again... is haunting in its own way. Thank you for posting about this. It was good to see another who shares such an experience.