Paganistan: Notes from the Secret Commonwealth

In Which One Midwest Man-in-Black Confers, Converses & Otherwise Hob-Nobs with his Fellow Hob-Men (& -Women) Concerning the Sundry Ways of the Famed but Ill-Starred Tribe of Witches.

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My 13 All-Time Favorite Witch Cartoons

Posted by on in Culture Blogs

Warning: Contains material some readers may find offensive.

This year's Golden Broomstick Awards for all-time best Witch Cartoons go to the following:

Image: Couple in car in front of take-out restaurant. Building is decorated with gingerbread men, candy canes, etc. Sign: “Candy Cottage Fast Food.”
Caption: That's odd: there's a place to drive in, but no where to drive out.

Image: Woman in supermarket with infant in cart seat and toddler by the hand, addressed by a classic steeple-hat witch.
Caption: Which aisle did you get those in?

Image: Two hunters in forest clearing strewn with bones. Around them, a circle of goofy-looking little birds in hooded robes.
Caption: Much to their horror, Reuben and Zeke realized that they had stumbled onto a coven of quail.

First frame: Rainbow with pot of gold. Witch looks on longingly.
Second frame: Witch runs towards pot.
Third frame: Witch dumps out gold.
Fourth frame: Rainbow with pile of gold lying on ground. Witch happily stirring new cauldron.

Image: Two old crones in black pass playground; kids on merry-go-round.
Caption: Look, Griselda, a rotisserie!

Image: Two old men, one bearded, one with goatee, playing cards. Old man with goatee: “I’ll see your six and raise you three.”
Caption: Gerald Gardner and Gershom Sholem play Persecution Poker.

Image: Bumpersticker: Lesbian Witches are Deosil Dykes.

Image: Witch burning at stake, ringed by circle of people holding hands and singing.
Caption: Someone's burning, Lord, kumbaya....

Image: Close-up of grocery store shelf.
On boxes: Hamburger Helper. Tofu Helper. Unbaptized Baby Helper.

Image: Close-up of Brassiere Rack in department store.
Sign under standard two-cup bras:
Bras for Cowans.
Sign under three-, four-, and five-cup bras.
Bras for Witches.

Image: Two classic black-hats, the elder berating the younger.
Caption: Hazel, if you can't say something nasty, then don't say anything at all.

Image: Schoolroom with standing kids, hands on hearts.
Caption: And to the republic where witches dance...

Image: Classic black hat coven, holding hands, praying.
Caption: Our father, who wert in heaven...

With honorable mention for “Best Heathen Cartoon of the Year”:

Image: Bumpersticker: Snorri Said It. I Believe It. That Settles It.



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Tagged in: comics humor
Poet, scholar and storyteller Steven Posch was raised in the hardwood forests of western Pennsylvania by white-tailed deer. (That's the story, anyway.) He emigrated to Paganistan in 1979 and by sheer dint of personality has become one of Lake Country's foremost men-in-black. He is current keeper of the Minnesota Ooser.


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