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Paganistan: Notes from the Secret Commonwealth

In Which One Midwest Man-in-Black Confers, Converses & Otherwise Hob-Nobs with his Fellow Hob-Men (& -Women) Concerning the Sundry Ways of the Famed but Ill-Starred Tribe of Witches.

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Little-Known Law Mandates Spine Removal for Congressional Republicans

Image result for washington dc capitol building night 

AP: Washington DC

Why the Republican cowardice?

On the eve of the vote which will, in all likelihood, end with Senate Republicans once again shamefully failing to impeach disgraced ex-president Ronald Rump for crimes of which he is transparently guilty, many Americans will be wondering: why do Republican members of Congress so often seem to lack even the slightest amount of courage or moral conviction? In fact, there's a very good reason.

None of them have spines.

In 1989, a little-known statute was passed by Republican leadership that requires all incoming Congressional Republicans to undergo surgical removal of their spines before their term of service begins.

“It's a relatively simple procedure,” says Dr. Mark McKinney, a DC surgeon who, over the course of almost four decades, has performed the operation on more than 150 Republican Senators- and Representatives-elect, “and we fit them for the brace that enables them to stand upright at the same time.”

He adds that some also choose to have optional lobotomies performed at the same time.

“I did one for Josh Hawley (R, MO) in December, and Marjorie Taylor Greene (R, GA) had hers just last week,” he added.

Why, then, do a handful of Congressional Republicans—most notably third-ranking House GOP leader Liz Cheney of Wyoming—on rare occasions act with actual courage?

“Spinal regeneration is at present a little-understood phenomenon,” said Dr. McKinney, “but we do know that, in rare cases, it actually can happen.”

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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Poet, scholar and storyteller Steven Posch was raised in the hardwood forests of western Pennsylvania by white-tailed deer. (That's the story, anyway.) He emigrated to Paganistan in 1979 and by sheer dint of personality has become one of Lake Country's foremost men-in-black. He is current keeper of the Minnesota Ooser.

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