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I'm currently going through an emotionally painful time in my life, which includes plenty of tears, and I'm not ashamed or afraid to admit that. It has got me thinking about a lot more about my future, my place in this universe, and not only what my spiritual path means to me, but where it's headed. I foresee a lot of change this year in my life, and it scares me. Recently, while having one of my less formal 'morning chats' with one of the goddesses, I broke down and began to cry at the overwhelming pressure and fear.

Rather than all the selfless stuff I usually say, like asking for help for other people, asking her to comfort those who've recently lost someone, I instead asked for help for myself. I couldn't even help it, I just sat there crying, and asked for strength, comfort, and reassurance that I'd make it, that I wouldn't end up homeless or living out of my twelve year old PT Cruiser.

For only the third or fourth time in my life, I felt the direct presence of that divine force, and it held me in a comforting embrace. I'm convinced that the authenticity of my tears, pain, and uncertainty were the root of this experience. I still don't know how this chapter in my life ends, I don't know where the plot twists, but I'm convinced that not only will I come out of this better that I was, but that the divine is walking beside me to help me back up if I stumble.

It's been a very long time since I felt that kind of connection with the gods, and the one that I was hoping to cultivate on our "Pagan homestead". How ironic that it's only now, when that homestead vision seems at its most unlikely, that I felt even a hint of this connection.

I've been living in the rural woods of southern Missouri for several years, but in the next few months, I'll be uprooting my life, walking the path alone once more, and moving to the Wilmington, NC area, a drastically different environ. I'm looking forward to rediscovering the magick and energy of the ocean, which I've not really had the opportunity to experience since I was a teenager living on Guam.

I raise my drinking horn to all the wanderers and adventure-seekers out there, and to the gods who watch over us all. May your path be ever-winding, and always lead to grand adventures!