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So: a rabbi, an imam, and a pastor walk into a radio studio.

(Actually, they skype in.)

Are you as sick as I am of hearing the media's treatment of “the religious response to covid-19” being reduced (over and over and over and over and over again) to the usual voices of the usual Big Three?

Where are the Hindu voices, the Buddhist? Where are the Native elders? You'd think that the rest of us don't even exist.

Ironically, the media thinks that it's being inclusive. Good old "Abrahamic" privilege.

Again and again these segments end with the same question: In these hard times, what gives you strength?

Said rabbi, imam, or pastor invariably respond with some navel-gazing citation from Scripture or well-polished nugget of wisdom from their respective traditions.

Figures. Their narcissistic fixation on humanity is one of the great historic wrongs that the “A-list” religions have visited on the world.

As for me, I'm a pagan. For me—as for the ancestors, as for Indigenous peoples of the world to this very day—the very heart of our living inheres not so much in looking in as in looking out.

What gives me strength in these hard times? I'll tell you.

We have all encountered situations whch are very draining. Right now, the Covid-19 pandemic is causing fear, illness, worry, financial difficultuy and is impacting us all very negatively. Such energy drains take away little pieces of your chi, or life force, leaving holes in your aura. You can identify the places that need patching because they will become noticeably cold as you pass a crystal over them. Pick your favorite stone between amethyst, citrine, or any quartz and run it all around you at a distance of about three inches. Make note of the cold spots and lay the crystal on those places for about five minutes, until the spot feels warmer. You will have repaired the holes in your etheric body and should begin to feel a pleasant sense of renewed wholeness once again.

Here’s another technique: crystal combing. It sounds odd, but you will become an aficionado immediately after you have felt the wonderfully soothing results. The beautiful pink kunzite is amazing as a mental management crystal. Take the crystal and brush it in gentle, slow, downward strokes from the top of your head, the crown chakra, to the bottom of your feet. The next time you feel overwhelmed by anxiety, try this and you will feel more relaxed and in control afterward.

You can't fool us, Mel Gibson. We've been around the maypole a few times, and we've seen your films.

You really like naked guys, don't you?

Well, hey, I'm with you on that one. But here's the other horn of the stang: You really like to hurt naked guys, don't you?

Sorry, Mel, you lost me on that one.

"Holy" Week is coming up, and with the prospect of churches in covid lockdown just like everything else, chances are that lots of Christians will be pulling the old Bible-epic CDs off the shelf.

(No gloating here, O pagan reader: when Beltane rolls around, you'll be dusting off The Wicker Man too, along with the rest of us; admit it.)

No doubt many will be watching that 2004 classic of sanctified pornography, The Passion of the Christ.

(Amazing, isn't it, how that second article transforms an otherwise commonplace phrase into sheerest bombast? And if you think the title is bombastic....)

Give it a look-see, if you can stand it: every lash-stroke laid on with love.

(On second thought, don't bother; just take my word for it.)

And the close-up of the hammer driving the spike through Jim Caviezel's outstretched palm: that's Mel's hands doing the ghastly work. Oh, I see the theological point—laid on, as usual, with the subtlety of a sledgehammer—but, ye gods. To your god you're doing this? Gee, Mel, I'd hate to be your boyfriend.

Years ago I used to date a guy whose flatmate was big into BD/SM. The flatmate had an entire wall covered with dozens and dozens of crucifixes.

Crucifixes and sado-masochism: even a poor hapless pagan boy like me could see the connection.

Ye gods, I'd think every time I went past the crucifix-wall, I'll never understand Christians.

Still, you've got to give Mel credit for genre-bending. A snuff movie with a happy ending: who else but Mel Gibson could dream of such a thing?

Mullein (Verbascum Thapsus) Here is an herbalist’s favorite for healing any respiratory ailment involving congestion coughs sore throats and calms the breathing. Mullein flowers infused in oil are also used to aid earaches. Take one heaping tablespoon of the leaves and steep in one cup of boiling water for no more than 10 minutes. Taken as a tea once, you’ll feel better soon\

Nettle (Urtica dioica) Nettle has been used as a healer for untold centuries and relieves allergies, an immune booster and can even help with a distended prostate. It is also a superfood and beloved for the nutrients. If you are working with fresh nettles, wear gloves to avoid the stinging. Cooking or drying removes any irritant. Any herb or health food store will have dried nettle or capsule form. Make nettle tea by steeping 2 teaspoons of leaves for ten minutes or take the capsules in recommended doses of 300 to 500 mg twice a day.

Maybe there are too many human beings.

Virtually all of our current ecological problems—climate change, among them—come down to the fact that the number of human beings on the planet far outstrips Earth's carrying capacity. If we don't do something about it ourselves, "Nature"—i.e. the gods—will take care of it. (They're doing that now.) Is that really what we want?

Maybe globalization isn't such a good idea after all.

If the world's supply of Thing One is made in Country A, and suddenly for some reason Country A can't produce Thing One any more, then there's a problem. Maybe relegating manufacturing to Somewhere Else isn't really in our long-term best interest. Maybe we need to make locally what we need locally.

Maybe raising most of our food Somewhere Else isn't such a good idea after all, either.

Before World War II, most American cities were surrounded by farm belts. As supply chains stretch thin, can we see why this might be a good idea today?

Maybe routine air travel needs to become a thing of the past.

Face it, routine air travel is responsible for the spread of covid-19. Maybe the airlines are an industry whose time has passed.

Maybe the age of Global Religion is over.

This Saturday, April 4, there is an online pagan and heathen festival to replace the in-person festivals and conventions that were canceled. Bindrune Festival has speakers via podcast and live chat. My recorded podcast Asatru Ritual Basics will go live Saturday afternoon, and I will be available to answer questions during a live chat during my time slot.

I'm really excited to be the Guest of Honor at this Festival. Other speakers will be talking about Celtic, Slavic, and Buddhist topics in addition to more Heathen topics.

Over the past six years, what began as a tiny collection of people in a FB group has evolved into a full-fledged pagan tradition: Modern Minoan Paganism (MMP). Yes, I'm as astounded as you are. One aspect of that evolution is that we've spent quite a lot of time researching and developing relationships with different deities, some of whom we didn't even realize existed until very recently. Today, I'm sharing with you the full pantheon. Beginning next week, I'll focus on one deity per week, sharing their iconography that we find in Minoan art.

MMP is a revivalist tradition. We're not attempting to reconstruct either the pantheon or the religious practices of the ancient Minoans - that's probably not possible anyway, since we can't read their writing in Linear A. But just be aware that this is the pantheon we use as modern Pagans. We honestly can't say whether or not this is how the Minoans interacted with the deities, but it's pretty clearly the way the gods and goddesses want us to interact with them now.